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Lost in these Thoughts
Contributed by
Kay-Kay
on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 04:21:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Lost in these thoughts
When i sit back and close my eyes and wander through my mind.
i look and search all night and day and nothing do i find.
Everything goes by so fast i can barely even see. The
only thing i think about is finally being free.
Thoughts fly by and then i remember that you were there.
You had no worries had no doubt and you didn't seem to care.
once in a while i find a small smile and wonder did it last.
but then i see exactly why these thoughts go by so fast.
Trapped inside the aches and pains up inside my head.
then i get to a bad spot and i wish that i was dead.
Don't do me wrong and end up caught, or else you'll
get lost in my thoughts...
~Kay-Kay
Copyright ©
Kay-Kay
... [
2004-12-17 16:21:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lost in these Thoughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by witch_derna on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 04:27:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I think we all get lost in our own head sometimes. I know I have been lately. Very good write.
Blessings.
MaDonna |
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Re: Lost in these Thoughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 06:59:51 PM AEST
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| excellent rhymes and fantastic write. i think your capitalization needs to stay consistent though. in your second stanza you broke the rhyme scheme by having 'the' at the end. you also broke it in the last stanza. consistency is the hardest thing to master; especially poems based on rhymes and even harder so on rhythym. |
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