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Uneasy Happy Day
Contributed by
Red_October
on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 09:07:50 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Heart-flutter as rapid as ever and smile
Never light or half-hearted and stays for awhile
And nervous sweetness melts into uneasy happy day
Shivering defiantly and good-bye again
Turn only cold and impossible without a word
No reason or response for true concern
Why believe in unlimited heights
when left alone uneasy nights?
Never stops to inquire or eavesdrop
Doesn't care to hear the truth
Shivering defiantly and half-hearted
I wish I could get over you
Copyright ©
Red_October
... [
2004-12-17 09:07:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Uneasy Happy Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 09:24:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Your writes make me clench my teeth uneasily. That sense of hurt that has never been so deep before. A sort of limbo sets in after a while---maybe that's necessary for healing. OK, I'll shut up now. These are surely heartfelt and bitterly effective.
Stitch |
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Re: Uneasy Happy Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 11:17:00 AM AEST
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| i think some of the rhymes need to sound a bit less forced. and i dont think day and again make good rhymes exactly. your last stanza was the best part of this. interesting poem. |
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Re: Uneasy Happy Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Scarlett on
Wednesday, 22nd December 2004 @ 04:58:52 AM AEST
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i think day and again make good rhymes, assonance and alliteration are just as effective as good old fashions rhyme i reckon!
the last stanza was my favourite too though. |
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