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They're chatting
Contributed by
CecilVortex
on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 01:35:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
They're chatting
near the register
lit softly
by streetlight
and if you only saw the look on his face
her back to you
her hands on her hips
straight black hair
sliding to one side
in a casual
tilt
you'd never guess
she was an
eighty-year-old widow.
Copyright ©
CecilVortex
... [
2004-12-17 01:35:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: They're chatting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Doriens_Picture on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 02:06:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| wow this is a perfect poem |
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Re: They're chatting
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowsCloud on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 02:06:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is really good, intresting little twist at the end.
ShadowsCloud |
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Re: They're chatting
(User Rating: 1 )
by musicisluv7 on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 02:09:25 AM AEST
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wow, interesting poem! keep them comin!
much luv |
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Re: They're chatting
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 07:09:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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great write, welcome to YPDC
pixie xx |
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Re: They're chatting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 07:19:09 AM AEST
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Good work. I'd appreciate more generic detail however. 'The Register' is an unknown quantity in my vocabulary - what's it mean? A wedding registrars . . . what? This makes me think of unnecessary things that detract from the real subject at hand, such as towards the man's expression.
Other than that, I think it works well, and is worth reading.
Welcome to YPDC, Cecil. |
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Re: They're chatting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 08:07:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| lol. i was fixing to say some of it sounded like me...but never mind. fantastic write. welcome to the site. i hope you enjoy it here. =] |
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