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Shadows Upon The Wall
Contributed by
hoist1atca
on
Wednesday, 15th December 2004 @ 09:36:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
A single candle flickers, casting shadows upon the wall-
Two figures embracing love together for the first time-
Bodies moving in rhythm, one with the other, lost in the passion-
Nothing remains of the anticipation that lingered upon their minds…
The past no longer matters and the future has only just begun-
For they are lost within the moment that they now share-
As passions give way to the doubts that once lingered –
And emotions flare with rising temperatures beyond compare…
While eyes are locked within a lovers stare-
Soothing voices whisper words of love and need-
As gentle hands touch forbidden places upon soft skin-
And flesh turns to a fire kindled by an uncontrolled desire…
Loves hunger rages onward like the beast-
Both are predator as well as they are the prey-
As each gives themselves to the other in a special way-
So that this moment in time may quench their thirst…
The outside world no longer seems to matter-
And love has taken away the fear of what once was-
For as a single candle casts shadows upon the wall-
Two people share a moment of love frozen in time…
Copyright ©
hoist1atca
... [
2004-12-15 21:36:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Shadows Upon The Wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Thursday, 16th December 2004 @ 05:47:41 AM AEST
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Cool poem, i like the overall presentation of it. Great write.
Hugs,
Jane x |
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Re: Shadows Upon The Wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Saturday, 18th December 2004 @ 12:34:49 PM AEST
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| After the first two stanzas, i almost thought you were writing a sort of pseudo-pantoum, and i got excited... Then, in the third stanza, you abandoned that approach, as well as the abcb end rhyme and substituted it all with a cool little internal/end rhyme effect in the last line of that stanza. Then, in the fourth stanza, you change it up again and offer the reader an abbc end rhyme scheme, before utterly abandoning all structure during the fifth stanza. I would have really liked to see ONE of the forms carried out through the whole poem. I think that the systematic ways of love are a good topic to be restrained by form, since the couple in the poem is showing no restraint themselves. Overall though, a solid piece. You show maturity as a writer but, somehow, not experience, which may make you the very opposite from my position in life. I enjoyed it though and look forward to whatever else you have. Peace. Butterat Zool. |
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Re: Shadows Upon The Wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 11:17:55 AM AEST
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Wow, I personally think this was fantastic, especially the last two stanza's. I think they ended the poem perfectly, while still fitting really well with the rest of the poem.
Personally, I never really paid much attention to styles. I have always used my own and I also think that this is really good.
Please don't leave.
Phil xx |
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Re: Shadows Upon The Wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 21st December 2004 @ 06:34:35 PM AEST
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Beautiful Joe! Simply beautiful. To hell with conformity. Write
what you feel is exactly right! I get it. I love it. I want more of it!
I'm with Phil! Please, don't leave.
~Breezy |
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Re: Shadows Upon The Wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Tuesday, 25th October 2005 @ 12:05:55 PM AEST
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a single candle flickers.....
excellent
I'm digging this flow |
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Re: Shadows Upon The Wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 14th February 2007 @ 05:44:23 AM AEST
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wELL, i'M A BIT LATE but this is remarkable writing.
It's very passonate and beautifull.
huggs,
emy |
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