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Effeciency
Contributed by
neveryours
on
Wednesday, 15th December 2004 @ 08:03:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Brick lay upon brick upon brick
And I think there is a mouse here
A mouse and no fireplace
And rows of burnt red brick
I have to go to the bathroom, but
Feeling discouraged about the
Effort to shimmy around the door
Pull my knees back so I can sit
I am Alice, and this is my
Efficient Wonderland.
Welcome to my standing room only
Kitchen with a bath
One room
Yes, it is a cozy
World.
Copyright ©
neveryours
... [
2004-12-15 08:03:38] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Effeciency
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 15th December 2004 @ 10:26:53 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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"I have to go to the bathroom, but
Feeling discouraged about the
Effort to shimmy around the door"
Fully descriptive. Perhaps I might have appreciated some more definition (i.e. are you really going to the toilet sitting down? or do you need to wash?) but on second thoughts, I'd rather not - the poem is efficient enough in its mystique, and it may well prize open the fetid tides of my imagination, should I bother . . .
Well done. |
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