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Effeciency

Contributed by neveryours on Wednesday, 15th December 2004 @ 08:03:38 AM in AEST
Topic: oops

Brick lay upon brick upon brick
And I think there is a mouse here
A mouse and no fireplace
And rows of burnt red brick
I have to go to the bathroom, but
Feeling discouraged about the
Effort to shimmy around the door
Pull my knees back so I can sit
I am Alice, and this is my
Efficient Wonderland.

Welcome to my standing room only
Kitchen with a bath
One room
Yes, it is a cozy
World.

Copyright © neveryours ... [ 2004-12-15 08:03:38]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Effeciency (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 15th December 2004 @ 10:26:53 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

"I have to go to the bathroom, but
Feeling discouraged about the
Effort to shimmy around the door"

Fully descriptive. Perhaps I might have appreciated some more definition (i.e. are you really going to the toilet sitting down? or do you need to wash?) but on second thoughts, I'd rather not - the poem is efficient enough in its mystique, and it may well prize open the fetid tides of my imagination, should I bother . . .

Well done.

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