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Poet's Ramblings 3
Contributed by
FleurdeSang
on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 02:06:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
A rose wilts by the touch of a tainted hand,
Black petals form an eddy of memories,
And all is lost within the eyes of Sorrow…
Lullabies hummed through coarse lips,
A cry of annoyance,
Yet, it is left unheard…
Innocence is deprived from a youth,
The Monster reveals itself in the daylight,
And the nightmares inhabit waking hours…
Ancient priests drone lamentations to the dead,
The deathless Fate claims another love,
And the picture of God that is kept in the soul, has died…
The prayers dress themselves up as mirrors,
And go out at midday to sing in jargon…
The clouds bring tears,
And your friends sleep with your wife once in a while…
Solitude. The prison of the soul.
The moon crying hidden.
The presence of silence in your dreams.
The repeated wheel of echoes.
Everything is wrapped in an old rag: illusions,
Dreams, iron chains detaining memory,
The tremulous eyes of the wind…
And above all,
The wasted image in front of the mirror that says its you…
But no,
It is only a form,
Of dust and silence…
Copyright ©
FleurdeSang
... [
2004-12-14 14:06:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Poet's Ramblings 3
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 02:27:49 PM AEST
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Your rambles always paint images in my head that shift and twist with each line and change every time I read again. I love it. You do that so well. Thank you Stephy.
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: Poet's Ramblings 3
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 02:35:57 PM AEST
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(Gives round of applause) Awesome work Stephy. This is great. One of my favorites of yours. I don't know where to start. OK....First of all, a lot of things struck me. The first thing, is that I must complement you on the title. I love poet's ramblings. They're my favorite poems. I think that they are the most creative, because you are letting yourself go, and are not putting yourself inside of a box. "I can write this, I cannot write this, I'm trying to say this, I am not trying to say this" All of these are examples of the boxes we put ourselves in as writers. And to title it a poet's ramblings is to totally let go of any "box". So that got me excited to read it. Second, I think this is one of the best poems I have read by you, because I can see you growing as a writer. There were lines in this that I have never heard from you before, and that, to me, represents a sign of growth. Your voice is maturing. That's what happens when writers keep writing and do not let themselves get discouraged.
The garrulous flower rambles once more....
hahaha, that makes me laugh. Good preface.
A rose wilts by the touch of a tainted hand,
Black petals form an eddy of memories,
And I love the way you started this. I especially love the way you combine these images-----a wilting rose------a tainted hand----black petals-----eddy of memories-----
Yeah, this is a very rich combination of images. Creative and original (highest compliments)
And the picture of God that is kept in the soul, has died…
The prayers dress themselves up as mirrors,
And go out at midday to sing in jargon…
wow. that's all I can say. This struck me as something that is "new" for you. Your voice is always your voice and resonates throughout all of your poetry, but to me, this seems different. And better. I'm tripping out on how creative, and imaginitive this image is. I can see it perfectly in my mind, and it carries such powerful feelings with it. Just the way that you talk about the prayers dressing up and going out singing jargon.....yeah.....that's good.
And your friends sleep with your wife once in a while…
Solitude. The prison of the soul.
The moon crying hidden.
I also liked this image a lot. It kind of reminds me of something I would write....I love that line, and your friends sleep with your wife once and a while.....see I think that's good poetry, because you are speaking metaphorically....it is abstract, yet it is powerful....that is meaningful poetry because it allows the reader to relate that metaphore through their own personal experience, which makes the meaning of it, uniquely personal to the individual reader. It means something different to everyone. That feel expansive to me, not rigid, yet strong.
Everything is wrapped in an old rag: illusions,
Dreams, iron chains detaining memory,
The tremulous eyes of the wind…
And above all,
The wasted image in front of the mirror that says its you…
But no,
It is only a form,
Of dust and silence…
And again, I come back to my point that this poem, I think, is a breakthrough for you as a poet. I don't know....Maybe you wrote this a long time ago, but this feels new to me. It seems that you are maturing as a writer, and I could see that as I was reading your poem, but this last stanza really struck it home for me. The images you used are more relate to each other more complexly. You ended it perfectly.
You left me silent....
in reflection.....
of a moment......
It's like that "undisturbed and capturing" feeling I was writing about in my "Run on Sentence" poem. Maybe that's just how I personally feel after reading a good poem. Nice job.
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: Poet's Ramblings 3
(User Rating: 1 )
by autumngreeneyes on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 02:48:33 PM AEST
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The wasted image in front of the mirror that says its you…
love that line.. |
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Re: Poet's Ramblings 3
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 03:19:20 PM AEST
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stands up and applauds....!!!!!!!!!
Wonderful job!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Re: Poet's Ramblings 3
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 26th October 2010 @ 10:18:56 PM AEST
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This has given me a bit of fear of mirrors. They're not especially my favorite tool anyway but now I read this and..well, eek!
Glad I found these. Moving on to four. |
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