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today
Contributed by
loopylou
on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 10:11:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Someone smiled at me today
the sun shining on their face as they did
but the rain poured today
and my left over feelings felt numb
my umbrella broke today
and it let the rain in
the clear drips dwelled with my salt tears
and my silent tears were left unnoticed
and untouched
when you laughed today
i ached with envy
and longed for your light hearted laughter
to touch me too
nothing is what i say
nothing is what i feel
and nothing is what you notice
i faded today
i faded
as you wiped me away
Copyright ©
loopylou
... [
2004-12-14 10:11:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: today
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 10:19:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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*hugs* I;m sad today too. a very deep and emotional write, hope your tomorrow is brighter
pixie xx |
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Re: today
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 11:50:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| That's so sad. Hope your sorrow won't last. Keep writing :) |
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Re: today
(User Rating: 1 )
by Laurielaurie on
Sunday, 6th March 2005 @ 02:53:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Didn't like the line about the clear drips dwelling with tears. 'Mingled' or 'merged' would be more appropriate. Saying 'tears' twice in two lines has a bad effect on the rhythym. Love the rest though. |
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