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This
Contributed by
Elayner27
on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 08:26:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
A woman came to me in a dream,
She said something I couldn't hear,
She held a mirror or so it would seem,
She told me to look in the mirror,
As I watched my reflection,
My face began to melt into darkness,
Distorted and tormented then it was done,
She told me that I had one less,
Then her and her voice faded away,
I awoke to black and fear,
I couldnt more; paralized,
Then I thought I heard someone,
Maybe this wasnt a dream, I relized,
But soon that would be done,
A voice, loud & clear, cried out for me,
It was in my ears, from my head,
There was nothing I could see,
And then, just like that, they were dead.
Copyright ©
Elayner27
... [
2004-12-13 20:26:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This
(User Rating: 1 )
by LEMMEN on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 08:30:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Interesting write.
~DENNIS~ |
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Re: This
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 08:31:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| nice flow-- awesome write* |
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Re: This
(User Rating: 1 )
by BabyFacedAngel2010 on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 09:25:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Confuseing... but good write read some of mine
BabyFacedAngel2010
Nikki |
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Re: This
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 09:49:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| i noticed your rhyme scheme and i think to better illustrate the style for this poem you could seperate some of your piece into stanzas. have the first stanza for the first four lines, and the 3rd for the last four lines. in the 2nd stanza it has a stetchy rhyme pattern, so you could make that a non rhyming stanza or rhyme it all. it is your poem, and it depends on how you like it. if you like it the way you do now, that is great. i cant judge art, only the artist can. you had a good concept well illustrated. just proof read your poems for errors, because i noticed you had one in your other one also. have a good night. =] |
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