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Metal Heart
Contributed by
ina
on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 02:24:03 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The world tries to reach me
to communicate with me
at least
for a second before I storm out
into the limelight of some other
pain-receiving human punch bag
I want to talk about how unreliable
and cryptic my existence
is for anyone but
myself
me
myself
when I am lonely I start cranking up the guilt
like a passionate chainsaw
cutting through my
wooden cold wet heart
the lonely silence inside my head
is loud with *****y accusations
maybe they are all right
I come and go
family and friends
good *****
good conversation
thirst for amusement on the expense
of the people that burn with sincerity
through trying to be
a special whore
I have become
the grave
no one visits
because it screams at the dead:
“where are the ***** candles you heartless zombies!”
this putrid sore gas filled hole
will never fill with sweet ocean water
I will vandalize myself with memories
like nails dug into a raw skin disease
a blue abandoned narcissist with a one track mind
body loved and mind penetrated
I am strung out on the pain of others I had caused
I exploit my crystal tongue until it breaks
in their eyes in the eyes of their hearts
little red umbrella taped to the next page
looks like a swollen blood clog
I drink the poison drink
biting my lip until the tissue
is torn and bleeding
I hit my fist against my metal heart
(the ending a bit Godzilla-like)
Copyright ©
ina
... [
2004-12-11 02:24:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Metal Heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by tawnii on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 03:19:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Nice poem, keep it up. |
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Re: Metal Heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 05:06:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I agree with tawnii.
Be true,
zenmind
hahaha.......just kidding. First off, I got a laugh from your preface. Whenever I read some of my stuff, I always preface it with something like that....Just say it, most people don't even know what good poetry is, anything you read will sound like motzart. At least that's my personal experience after reading some of my stuff to random listeners. They usually respond with silence. Then with a frown....and a long "uhhh". It's comical.
when I am lonely I start cranking up the guilt
like a passionate chainsaw
cutting through my
wooden cold wet heart
hahhahaha, that is disturbing, morbid, but for some reason I find it funny, maybe because I relate perfectly to that feeling. That image is exactly it....alone, cranking up guilt, passionate chainsaw....yes. I'm glad to know that I'm not not the only one to think like this.
I will vandalize myself with memories
like nails dug into a raw skin disease
This stanza, and really the rest of your poem, is so lush, written with foul metaphores, that leave the reader feeling on edge. I love it. I really love these lines above. Damn. hahaha.....yeah.....sounds familiar, not like I've heard it written before, but because I've thought it already myself, just not these words.
a blue abandoned narcissist with a one track mind
body loved and mind penetrated
haha.....yeah. I hate it. Any of these self hate trips will always end in narcassy (sp>?) because they can only start with narcassy.
biting my lip until the tissue
is torn and bleeding
I hit my fist against my metal heart
You are metal
Be true,
zenmind |
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Re: Metal Heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by reilt on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 02:42:49 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| wow...i am speechless. just amazing* |
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