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Bitterness
Contributed by
socialburnin
on
Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 03:39:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
I live and die for Friday nights
The twilight time
Before the weekends destruction
Don't force on me
Your new found morality
Cause im not worth the trouble
And I don't wanna pay
The price of salvation
I live for insanity
And grudge all nievety
Don't let it fool you
The world doesn't love you
And judging by the state of things
There's no God to save me
Or to give me even a false sence of security
It's not worth the time
To find the right rhyme
When all it'll bring you
Is love to cut open your heart
And break your bones
Indulge in all the pleasures you can
Before its robbed from us
By our own bitter mortality
Take a right turn
On the wrong map
And come to me for a lesson in life
You wont' soon forget about
So then you'll learn that one rule in ife
That "What if's?"
Are the worst thing their is
Copyright ©
socialburnin
... [
2004-12-06 15:39:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bitterness
(User Rating: 1 )
by bonita2689 on
Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 04:14:01 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Very good, had many song like qualities about it, you should try finishing it off by making a chorus and splitting what you already have into two verses. It would be an interesting, yet entirely true piece. |
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Re: Bitterness
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 07:10:56 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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You've got a good start to a good poem here, if you touched a few things up (spelling and working on a smoother flow in a couple spots), it'd be even better. I liked the lines:
"Take a right turn
On the wrong map
And come to me for a lesson in life" |
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