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Quicksand Villain
Contributed by
Luka
on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 01:42:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Im the quicksand Villain
I let your mind understand
walk with me into the sand
sink a little deeper
sink a little slower
soon it will all be over
Ill walk you to the edge
this is reality
come with me
for all eternity
go ahead make up your mind
you cant really be this blind
half the world
doesn’t know
what its like
to lose your soul
maybe some day
they will undergo
the pain that we all know
inner fights
restricted rights
lonely nights
your heart ignites
this can all fade away
if you would just obey
Im the quicksand Villain
I let your mind understand
walk with me into the sand
sink a little deeper
sink a little slower
soon it will all be over
Copyright ©
Luka
... [
2004-11-27 13:42:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Quicksand Villain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 01:56:07 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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scary stuff! sent a chill through me! good writing.
Johnny. |
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Re: Quicksand Villain
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 02:25:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I think this is pretty good. I like the idea of the "quicksand villain." The repetition of the first and last stanzas is very effective, it works perfectly. The lines:
"this can all fade away
if you would just obey"
really stand out, they enforce the idea that you've already been driving at through the quicksand villain. Keep it up! :) |
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Re: Quicksand Villain
(User Rating: 1 )
by DamentedSuicide on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 03:36:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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WOW awesome write
go ahead make up your mind
you cant really be this blind
~~~Raven~~~ |
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Re: Quicksand Villain
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternalNight4x on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 07:32:01 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| vert creative and interesting....I really enjoyed this poem the quicksand villian idea was excellent...well keep on posting |
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