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Counting Down My Time
Contributed by
sean88
on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 01:26:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Gazing softly into the dark sky
Wondering when it’s my time to die,
Bright full moon always looking down
It’s sad but I’ve started my countdown,
I know I’m young, but does death care?!
It’s his whole job to be unfair,
He picks us off one by one
And will never stop until the job is done,
I’m living for nothing that’s my life as such
I’ll sit and wait here for deaths terminal touch
Copyright ©
sean88
... [
2004-11-27 13:26:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Counting Down My Time
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luka on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 01:45:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice, really ***** nice.
Its a lot like my poetry but yours is more out forward. some of my poems just give the idea of death. the way this was put togheter was perfect. every line was just where it needed to be. |
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Re: Counting Down My Time
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 02:39:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I liked this quite a bit, though the 2nd to last
line is a bit weak. And I don't think you need
the word "whole" in the 6th line, it's strong
enough without it. I really liked the line:
"I know I’m young, but does death care?!"
Death really doesn't care, no one is excluded
from it's wrath. But I don't think you should
spend your time waiting for your life to end.
Keep your chin up, eventually something
good will come along. |
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