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Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?

Contributed by girltranscended on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 05:51:50 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles



I am a lake of my unease,
dark and deep.
I am the shadow of the tree.

Behind me, is a life barely lived,
a winding path overgrown.
Before me, the world is breeding possibility.

I am what I am, for now, for me,
lost and sweet.
I am untangling from this web (of defeat).

Above me, the sky has no end,
infinite universe unknown.
Underneath me, cool water rages on.

I am just reaching the surface,
still blue and meek.
grasping at all I do not see.

Within me, the battery was running low,
an innocent on her own.
Without me, well I am nothing without me.

I am left, unforgettably,
somber yet free.
I am right where I need to be.




Copyright © girltranscended ... [ 2004-11-24 17:51:50]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 06:00:01 PM AEST
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brilliant piece. i loved every line of this. perfection at its finest. philosophical beauty. for a title, i dont think i can produce one so fine as to fit this piece.


Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by n2dep2care on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:03:01 PM AEST
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Gorgeous poem! I enjoyed this very much, nice flow. Well done!
I would suggest as a title ‘lake of my unease’.

Laurie


Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by Niccy on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:41:28 PM AEST
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Hey that was a really good poem!


Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by AnastasiaN on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:58:20 PM AEST
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I loved this poem...awesome use of imagery and it said something for me as well thanks for sharing. xo Anastasia


Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 09:13:07 PM AEST
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It was a very gfood read.
I liked it.

Suggested Title:
Right Where I need to Be

--Mothy





Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 12th January 2005 @ 06:58:32 AM AEST
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So Much not done, yet so much potential...sigh...nice
The title eludes me, I feel like something about water, stillness and potential. Perhaps taking from one of your lines...Cool Water Rage.


Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Friday, 4th February 2005 @ 03:00:48 AM AEST
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i would keep the title as is, it drew me in for one and adds to your soliloqy here:) hugs n' love nessa

@->>->:-


Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing? (User Rating: 1 )
by Rhymingron on Sunday, 6th March 2005 @ 07:40:47 AM AEST
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What a beautiful poem, well written a nd a pleasure to read. I don't see many this good.




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