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synchronized goodbyes
Contributed by
unkept
on
Sunday, 21st November 2004 @ 02:30:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
Synchronize our fingers as they crawl in speculation across the distant ice sprawling our hearts and our minds as far away from each other as possible before the night can give us back our coats and send us off back down its spine tickling our toes underneath the sheets of foreign countries still laughing arduously to the rhythm of our insides without the power of the earth resonating sweet goodbyes to our unnecessary limbs…laughing laughing still.
Copyright ©
unkept
... [
2004-11-21 02:30:44] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: synchronized goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 ) by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Sunday, 21st November 2004 @ 09:34:00 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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this is really good in content... it would flow a alot better if it was broken up in stanzas like this:
Synchronize our fingers
as they crawl in speculation
across the distant ice sprawling.
Our hearts and our minds as far away
from each other as possible
Before the night can give us back our coats and send us off back down its spine
tickling our toes underneath the sheets
of foreign countries.
Still laughing arduously
to the rhythm of our insides
without the power of the earth resonating sweet goodbyes to our unnecessary limbs…laughing laughing still.
Just a thought... |
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