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Johnny Jackass
Contributed by
girltranscended
on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 02:50:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
All the pain, pain, pain
I seem to gain, gain, gain
by giving him chances.
I try and
he lies and
is this what romance is?
Up late at night
I'm alone in my plight
sleepless and turning
Drowning in sorrow
I beg for tomorrow
no wound and no yearning
When I dream, dream, dream
he doesn't seem, seem, seem
so inadequate and lacking.
I can cope and
I have hope that
he might cease this attacking.
But it's my heart
and I will restart
my search my compassion.
For my sweetness
and completeness
won't be marred by distraction.
Copyright ©
girltranscended
... [
2004-11-20 14:50:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Johnny Jackass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Merry on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 03:14:31 PM AEST
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well Johnny sounds like a jackass - I like the meter - it's very quick and almost like a rap - lol not sure that is what you intended but it made it fun to read -
smiles
merry |
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Re: Johnny Jackass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 11:31:36 PM AEST
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Um... actually - we should thank Jecks for the original inspiration. He dropped a "tap tap tap" in a comment on a poem that I posted shortly before Denial... the thought process that his tapping prompted spurred my write and it just sort of fell out the way it did.
This... sounds like you're removing rose colored glasses, if you know what I mean. Gosh, you know... were it not for one fabulous outcome of not having done so (she just got an awesome report card, by the way) - I would be sittin' here wishing I had been able to remove my own about 11 years ago (seems mine were the wrong prescription).
And... um... that's an icky word there in the fifth line... I wish better than that for you.
*hugs*
SNM
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Re: Johnny Jackass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th January 2005 @ 07:16:46 AM AEST
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The way you rhyme the 'es' and the 'urning' is exceptional. I see no-one else do it like you.
Apart from me, of course. heh. |
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Re: Johnny Jackass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th January 2005 @ 07:22:53 AM AEST
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I may have started the ball, but I'll take no credit for the wonderful work and expansion on an idea that you two are so great at.
I wish this was happier, but then I wish a lot of things.
The meter and rhyme style in this are wonderful and...yes..original.. :)
Good luck wiht your donkey. |
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