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Drip drop
Contributed by
Kitty_cat
on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 11:03:47 AM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
I'm walking down this empty road
Borderlined with golden leaves
Passing children in their beds
While drip drops plummet in the breeze
Knife-cold chill pierces my corpse
Numbing it from all of my pain
Making my head feel buoyant and free
Giving me no reason to complain
Suddenly my body starts floating up
Soaring to the dark sky
I look down at all my family and friends
As over the world I fly
I see my Mum and Dad over there
I wave at them and beam
I let the thrill rush through my veins
As I fulfil my long-life dream
I collect together all my feelings
Place it deep and lock it in tight
I close my eyes and enjoy the moment
As I do whats impossible: flight
The sensation of wind blowing in my hair
Stimluates me...bang, crack, stop
The world is glazed with crimson red
As I hear the sound of drip drop
Copyright ©
Kitty_cat
... [
2004-11-20 11:03:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Drip drop
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 11:05:00 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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a very intresting and great write, I like the sudden stop of the last stanza, made it powerful,
pixie xx |
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Re: Drip drop
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 11:44:47 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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fluid is the flow...The sensation of wind blowing
that's sooooo beautiful.
The Wind |
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Re: Drip drop
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 21st November 2004 @ 09:02:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
I like the way you've concluded this piece... continuing on would have lessened it somehow, I think. I agree with Pixie - the ending is powerful as is. Though... you probably already knew that. : )
This is an interesting piece. I'm intrigued by how it moves along from it's gentle opening to the later "bang, crack, stop". Well done!
- SNM |
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