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Cry
Contributed by
cocacola1331
on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 08:18:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
There hasn't been a day
where I haven't cried...
Cried my heart out for you,
wishing you'd come back.
My eyes won't seem to stop
the tears,
my eyes won't stop thinking
they'll see you again....
My heart won't stop wishing for her,
wishing she was here again,
wishing to be with her...
I can't stop this,
I can't stop my feelings,
I can't stop these tears from seeping out,
from escaping....
You don't know what I'm going through,
you think I'm crazy,
you think these tears are overdone....
You don't get why I'm so sad,
even though you know the reason,
you still don't understand.
I try telling you,
I try telling you the real problem,
the source of my depression,
you wave it away...
I don't have everything you say I do,
I don't have the perfect life you
think I do.
There are dark sides to every bright life,
there are dark, gloomy sides to every bright, happy life...
And right now,
I'm on that dark side.
Will there be anything to pull me awa?
Who knows, especially me,
especially you...
you just don't understand where these
tears are coming from.
I know I'm scaring you,
being totally out of character,
but it's so hard for me to care.
It's so hard for me to care about
life,
my future,
everything.
You think I'm throwing my life away,
I...
I don't know what to think.
Everything seems surreal,
nothing is happening to me,
this is all a dream...
I wake up, reality slaps me across the face,
she's dead, she's gone.
Buried away, yet her prescence remains...
it's like torture,
torture for me.
I can't help but cry all the time for her,
I can't help but be sad.
I used to think suicidal people were crazy,
weird for their lists for not killing themselves...
but now...
I'm one of them.
My list?
It's withering down...
soon to be nothing,
soon to be empty.
Like my life.
Friends used to be the top priority,
the thing that kept me wanting to breathe...
but now,
friends are nothing.
Nothing that's real.
I have truly nobody to support me,
that actually knows about my list,
nobody that wonders what my life is like,
what I'm going through.
Do they actually wonder about my pain?
Do they actually wonder...
or they all so selfish,
just worrying about their materialistic views?
Have you ever wondered
what your life would be like
if one of your parents was gone?
No you haven't....
and that's what's painful to me.
You see what I'm going through,
yet you haven't learned anything.
You carry on with your life,
like its just going to keep on
plodding along forever.
When was the last time you told me
you cared?
When you told me you'd be here for me?
Never...
If you did, I never believed it.
Why don't you care?
Why don't you care about anything besides yourself,
besides your image?
Are you waiting to go through
this yourself,
when it's too late?
Are you waiting to endure this pain,
this loss when you could
be enjoying the time you had left?
Why won't you try to understand?
Don't you feel the frustration
reverberating off of me?
Can't you see it in my eyes?
Look at me,
look me in the eye,
stop avoiding me.
Take it from me...
be thankful for what you have,
maybe you'll cry less if you are.
If you're thankful,
if you know what you have.
I don't have the perfect life anymore,
I don't have that life that you still think
I have,
the life that you think I want.
I would give anything to have it back,
but I'm starting to think
that it's not worth it.
It'll never be the same,
never be back to par...
my priorities?
Where are they?
I have none.
My future is no longer on that list,
gone away so far,
might as well be buried six feet
under.
Who cares about how I end up?
Not me anymore...
I'm so tired,
don't you understand?
I'm so tired of this all,
why won't you get it?
Why won't you try to see?
This isn't a joke,
this is real.
I'm not trying to be funny,
I'm trying to let you know
how I feel.
I'm silently begging for somebody to care,
silently begging for someone to
wonder how I am,
to wonder what I'm going through.....
Someone told me to be happy and positive about this...
think on the bright side.
How can I be positive?
I thought positively when my mom started getting sick...
Look where that led me to...
she's gone, an irrevocable curse
placed upon her soul.
I cry,
cry every single day,
these salty tears
pouring across my cheeks.
Won't they ever stop?
Won't this pain ever go away?
Why doesn't anybody care...
why doesn't anybody ever wonder why?
My list...
it's withering away
to a baren nothing....
You say that this makes people uncomfortable,
they don't know what to say.
Say anything for all I care,
just make it evident that you hurt for me.
I'm so selfish, why am I alive?
How am I helping this world...
Oh God,
I think about how important she was,
how needed she was....
and then I see myself,
withering away into nothingness,
my existance being slowly erased....
Painful nothingness.
Not a thing in this world that
truly matters....
Won't this depression ever lift?
I'm aware of my total sadness,
yet there is nothing I can do.
I am no longer in control....
Hear me out,
I am no longer in control.
Withering away....
and I cry...
to a baren nothing...
every day....
A silent wish....
A silent wish.... won't you answer?
Copyright ©
cocacola1331
... [
2004-11-15 20:18:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cry
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent_Storm on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 08:28:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Awwww! I'm so sorry.
This is so deep, katelin, its so good. The best writings comes from those written at the spur of the moment. |
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Re: Cry
(User Rating: 1 )
by sandy_poetrygodslove on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 08:35:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| YOUR words got to me. My parents are sick and I think more what would happen if something happened to them instead of making each day count. thanks for sharing your heart with me.. My advice to because I know the advice in me that is there.. is that we live on for them. we make them proud. It is a comfort to me knowing with all my heart that when my parents do die. i will see them again in heaven. IF only I got from you in this poem If only your mom was still there with you you would be happy. if only your friends could care enough to see the pain. Pain that builds up and makes you cry and wonder how you can move ahead. been there lost a sister. different then you because you lost a mom. go ahead and cry.. scream out to god and tell him your mad or something. and ask him as i will pray that he brings you peace again. take care sandy... |
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Re: Cry
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternalNight4x on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 08:41:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| execlelnt write very deep and well expressed...i may not know what your going through excatly but at some xtent i do...and i do care for you...those words proabbly dont reli make a differnce they never did for me and thye still dont..well excellent write keep posting |
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Re: Cry
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 09:55:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| some things change, some things never do. some things you dont have control over so you have to let them go. your mom has died, a very tragic thing for someone to go through when they loved them dearly. but she has died, and you have not. do you think your mom would want you to waste away for her? or do you think she would want you to remember her fondly and strive to be the best thing you can be to make yourself and her proud. my father left me at the age of two, even though i never knew him, and i only know his name, i still feel the loss. i feel the loss of never knowing what could have been and what should have been. thinking about these things are worthless, they only make me feel worse. but thinking about the way things are, and how i can still fulfill my potential doesnt change. the future is there, its has just gotten darker. your future is waiting for you, in the present, to move on to the future. because without you in the present, there is no future. and all of that potential is just thrown away like so many others throughout the ages... |
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