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Maybe This Will Be The Morning
Contributed by
justjonesy
on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 02:49:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Another December morning, I've been here before
I see you awakening beside me
Maybe this will be the morning
the morning you finally break the horizon
and clear the winter clouds above
Maybe this will be the morning
you warm the cool fog I lay in
and rid of all the dew that keeps me wet
And maybe this will be the morning
you show me the light you've only teased me with
and give me the warmth you've only promised
Copyright ©
justjonesy
... [
2004-11-10 02:49:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Maybe This Will Be The Morning
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 03:19:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like this, justjonesy. It has an achy feel to it.... sort of like the feeling you get when you're holding someone's hand and they pull their hand away before you want them to. It's nicely done... lovely expression.
Welcome to YPDC! I do hope you stick around and continue to post. I enjoyed this.
- SNM |
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Re: Maybe This Will Be The Morning
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 04:55:19 AM AEST
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Yeah, welcome.
I liked this poem, and feel it could be even better if you did something about this line;
"and rid of all the dew that keeps me wet"
It needs 'gets' in there, and also 'wet' seems a little out of place for my liking. Hope this helps . . .
Keep writing. |
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