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No Title
Contributed by
frozensuicide
on
Monday, 18th November 2002 @ 01:00:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Patriotic
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On nine 11th,
Osama was triumph.
But did he break us apart?
Did he rip our heart?
Can he do it again?
Do it again,
And we’ll make it you very last end.
Copyright ©
frozensuicide
... [
2002-11-18 13:00:00] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: No Title
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 09:08:30 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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its nine eleventh (spelled out). your second line made no sense with the verb tense. your last line needs an r added to you to make sense. all i can say is how can there be three lines with mistakes out of seven? your "poem" had too many questions in it. the do it again part was repetetive. you also have no title as your title. if your poem doesnt even deserve a title why does it deserve to even be seen? ive seen your work before, and i know you can do better than this. |
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