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I AWAKE
Contributed by
Nazmythian
on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 01:22:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
Irritated ~
I am dredged through the murky depths of a
semi-subconscious existence, rising through
fleeting half faded images, as a garbage truck
begins backing slowly through my bedroom
Aware ~
There is an intensely painful light piercing
through the slit, created by the separation
of the lead plates that have been shielding
my very weary, windswept, weeping eyes
Wicked ~
Reality now invades my mental cognizance
while a neighbor’s garage door yawns open
belching out a late model foreign compact
accompanied by a ghostly wisp of exhaust
Anger ~
The incessant droning of the damnable truck
still has not yet ceased and is permeating all
of my cohesive thought processes, vengeful
I am seriously considering hurting someone
Knowledge ~
There is an albatross skidding across the floor
that comes to a sudden ungraceful stop against
a wall on the far side of the room, and lies still ~
seems to me, that definitely should not be here
Exhaustion ~
My head crashes back down onto a cradling pillow
both truck and albatross have suddenly disappeared
in their stead, on the floor in pieces, my alarm clock
mornings often can turn out to be such an adventure
Copyright ©
Nazmythian
... [
2004-10-29 13:22:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I AWAKE
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lee on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 02:13:00 PM AEST
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Good attention to form detail,
and very imaginative subjects.
Think about the name alarm
clocks: are you alarmed as
much as I am?
Perhaps someone will invent
charm clocks-clocks that vie
for the attention of people by
the use of artificial charm. |
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Re: I AWAKE
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 02:27:22 PM AEST
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| great write =] |
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Re: I AWAKE
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 03:50:29 PM AEST
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| This was a very enjoyable read. I'm glad you decided to "play with form." This is one of those poems you have to think about while your reading it. I've always enjoyed these kinds of poems much more than ones that just clearly state what they're saying. Great write, 3 thumbs up. :) |
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Re: I AWAKE
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 04:46:32 PM AEST
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Awesome.
It's good to
experiment with form.
I hate time and clocks!
I wrote a poem about them too
this summer but it just didn't turn
into anything.
--Mothy |
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Re: I AWAKE
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 31st October 2004 @ 02:53:16 PM AEST
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Serious comment --- I like this, Naz. I love it when something interesting falls out of 'playing'. I love that you keep reaching for something new... in doing so, you give us great pieces like this one.
Not-so-serous comment--- I hate mornings! I set three alarm clocks every night (LOL - maybe I would need them all if I went to bed at a decent hour, but...). I snooze them all for at least an hour before I finally drag myself out of bed. I only ever remember the last buzz or two. Who the **** knows what goes on for that hour. I'm sure it ain't pretty though!
Trust me - you wouldn't want to live with me. And LOL - you don't sound like a joy in the a.m. either! hehehee,
SNM |
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Re: I AWAKE
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Monday, 1st November 2004 @ 10:40:59 AM AEST
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So much imagery! Such vivid sound and expressions that describe my mornings so eloquently! The blistering streak of light shining mercilessly in your eyes, the incessant droning of the garbage truck just outside your window, the endless song of the red face sitting beside you... You sounded aggrivated in this piece, lol. A very beautiful, and intriguing piece! Compelling and diverse write!! LOVE IT!! Can't wait to see more of this! I will need a new alarm clock soon. Mine is so battered, ack! Lovely write, as always, NAZ! Much love! Forever,
Votre fleur de bonheur |
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Re: I AWAKE
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Monday, 1st November 2004 @ 04:14:01 PM AEST
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Naz, a really creative write. I really admire your willingness to experiment with different form and style. It seems a lot of us can relate to having a "relationship" with an alarm clock.
Having just read this led me to think of the neighbors dog, who they let out at about 5:00. And he then proceeds to bark until they finally let him in. This is furtile ground for murder fantasy's....
Great write
Willofree |
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