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I never asked
Contributed by
gurlg0newr0ng
on
Thursday, 28th October 2004 @ 08:54:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
I never asked for the sunshine
because along with the sun comes the rain
I didn't ask for these feelings
because I knew it would also bring pain
I never asked for forever
because I knew it wouldn't last
I didn't want you in my future
because I knew you'd end up my past
I didn't ask to love you
so how come I do?
I never asked, so I don't deserve all the hurt you put me through
Copyright ©
gurlg0newr0ng
... [
2004-10-28 20:54:08] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I never asked
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 28th October 2004 @ 10:48:59 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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amazing write. i loved this perspective, the emotion, the power, the style, and everything in this. |
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Re: I never asked
(User Rating: 1 ) by Stoney1 on
Saturday, 30th October 2004 @ 05:03:57 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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This poem shows some promise, but you need to do some revision to bring it under control.
:I never asked for the sunshine 9
because along with the sun comes the rain 10
I didn't ask for these feelings 7
because I knew it would also bring pain 10
I never asked for forever 9
because I knew it wouldn't last 8
I didn't want you in my future 9
because I knew you'd end up my past 9
I didn't ask to love you 7
so how come I do? 5
I never asked, so I don't deserve all the hurt you put me through 16
*************************
Suggest something like this
I never asked for the sun {+to} shine 9
{+For} {-because} along with the sun comes the rain 9
{+Oh no,} I didn't ask for these feelings 9
{-because} {+Since} I knew it would also bring pain 9
{+When have} I {-n}ever asked for {-forever} {+always} 9
{+For} {-because} I knew it wouldn't {+ever} last 9
I didn't want you in my future 9
{+Since} {-because} I knew you'd end up {+in} my past 9
I {+haven't ever} {-didn't} ask{+ed} to love you 9
{+Therefore, why is it that} {-so how come} I {+still} do? 9
{-I never} {+Nor} {-asked}, {-so I don't deserve} {+for} {-all} the hurt you {+have} put me through 9
***************************
edit marks removed:
I never asked for the sun to shine 9
For, along with the sun comes the rain 9
Oh no, I didn't ask for these feelings 9
Since I knew it would also bring pain, 9
When have I ever asked for "always"? 9
For I knew it just couldn't last 8
I didn't want you in my future 9
Since I knew you'd end up in my past 9
I haven't even asked to love you 9
Therefore, why is it that I still do? 9
No, none of these things have I sought 8
Nor, for this hurt you have put me through 9
Stoney |
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