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Windows
Contributed by
Gothchyk
on
Tuesday, 26th October 2004 @ 09:11:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Eyes are the windows to your soul.
He sees ice blue, and imagine it to be cold and lonely.
He wants to save her but gets lost in the mist that surrounds him.
He notices grey mixed with the ice
and imagines confusion and frustration.
He has no right to linger where he is,
toying with a soul that hurts.
With wounds so deep that he cannot see them.
He must see the green amidst the blue.
The green that screams for help.
The white that longs to be someone else.
And the black that leaves nothing behind.
He wonders what her mind holds.
What colors are held within,
but he has seen enough for one day.
So he leaves the mysterous windows to find his own way.
Copyright ©
Gothchyk
... [
2004-10-26 21:11:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Windows
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 27th October 2004 @ 01:32:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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intense write this left me in awe
Michelle |
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Re: Windows
(User Rating: 1 )
by LEMMEN on
Tuesday, 23rd November 2004 @ 10:09:42 AM AEST
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But are eyes the true window to the soul. or just a reflection of the one looking into your eyes. This was very well written. "GOOD JOB"
~~DENNIS~~ |
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Re: Windows
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 09:12:42 PM AEST
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"He has no right to linger where he is,
toying with a soul that hurts."
I think you could have expressed this more succinctly. such as;
"He has no right to stare so blind,
Imagining her pain, when he cannot"
Or something like that, anyways - it was the only part of your poem I was hung up about, apart from the surreptitious typos.
Well done & Keep writing GC. |
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Re: Windows
(User Rating: 1 )
by Doriens_Picture on
Monday, 20th December 2004 @ 11:12:11 PM AEST
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this is a great write i can relate to coz i have someone who i want to save
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Re: Windows
(User Rating: 1 )
by skadmatrix on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 02:31:39 AM AEST
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| i really like this poem, you did a vary good job on it |
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Re: Windows
(User Rating: 1 )
by remote on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 03:46:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Nice use of colours to make it haunting and dark. Loved it. |
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