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Razor's Edge
Contributed by
essentially9
on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 07:53:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Razor's Edge
I have lost you
And I didn't even know it
Till this very moment
You died leaving a note
Telling the world
Why you died by your own choice
The dried tears upon your face
Show regret for what you did
While using the razor's edge
I sit here next to you
Asking why did you do it
Your reasons weren't sufficient
For this solution
But the words asked go unheard
By the one I cared for
Hiding it deep inside
Never able to see the light
Trying to run from pain
When it just comes back again
You died to end your strife
You ruined more than one life
While using the razor's edge
Left unknown is what could have been
Because you used the razor's edge
No one could save you from yourself
The tears on your face might be dry
But these tears that I still cry
Remind me that I lost you to die
And nothing can change that
No matter how hard I try
Copyright ©
essentially9
... [
2004-10-20 19:53:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 07:56:26 PM AEST
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| not many people know that they'd be changing more than their own lives through suicide...the message is well put |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 08:06:23 PM AEST
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| You have a good concept, but quite a few of your rhymes seem way too forced. On the second to last stanza, if you just got rid of "Because you used the razor's edge," it'd sound a lot better. |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by afterdark on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 09:51:09 PM AEST
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| very well written piece.. |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Thursday, 21st October 2004 @ 12:17:29 AM AEST
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daeth can take its toll, but suicide is the most potent, for it leaves a trail of emotional devestration and question that will never again be answered.
You showed much grief, and spoke with pure emtion and painted a tragic picture, well written poem. |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 21st October 2004 @ 06:37:36 AM AEST
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very dark and very emotional, well written,
pixie xx |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Thursday, 21st October 2004 @ 02:34:23 PM AEST
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Good poem... some of ur rhymes do sound a bit forced... but I can understand with the nature of the subject matter...
It seems like it was a hard one to write... like maybe taken from real life...
Keep writing... my friend... over all you have written a masterpiece... may others will take heed b4 they use the blade...
~Donna~ |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by RhythmBndt on
Sunday, 24th October 2004 @ 08:26:07 PM AEST
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| Awesome write :) |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by savedbydeath on
Sunday, 24th October 2004 @ 08:56:16 PM AEST
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WOW,i havent been around for awhile so i think i've missed quite abit but anywho...i think this was...well umm...i can see you written this kinda poem,but hey dont get me wrong it was awesome i liked it alot,but it was sad and man i see a tear,it was good keep up the good work!!!
savedbydeath |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by GurLG0nEWr0ng on
Sunday, 24th October 2004 @ 10:54:19 PM AEST
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| I like this poem very much. I think you described a differnt side of suicide that most people don't look at. This is really emotional, and really true. G0o0o0o0od work!!!! |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by hellsfallenangel on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 09:15:36 AM AEST
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hey really good write hope u dont do what the poem says, read some more of mine ill be writing some more later well g2g bye
DEMON |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 08:42:58 PM AEST
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| It's good. Something I've luckily avoided dealing with, but can still feel the pain. |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by skyblumoon on
Wednesday, 27th October 2004 @ 01:11:15 PM AEST
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This is so sad. My heart goes out to you. I went through the same thing only it was an OD. If you ever need to talk email me.
Blu |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 10:44:24 PM AEST
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| EXCELLENT |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fluffhead on
Sunday, 7th November 2004 @ 09:20:51 AM AEST
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| Wonderful..I like it a lot. lots of emotion. keep up the good work |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by Unheard_Mute on
Saturday, 13th November 2004 @ 12:19:35 AM AEST
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| I agree, too many that decide to take their own life don't realize how it really will affect others. Then again, sometimes they just want to stop the pain... |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by daydreamer22 on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 09:09:20 PM AEST
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WOW....i love how you described the loss...wonderful work...
Awaiting your next...
~*ME*~ |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 11:04:08 PM AEST
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Excellent....
The Wind |
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Re: Razor's Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by TaintedSoul on
Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 10:28:44 AM AEST
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When all is dark and there is no more hope to hold onto, we are our own worst enemies. And in that moment we do not realise the pain we inflict upon those who love us so dearly.
A precarious path I've often walked and something keeps me from falling off the edge all the way.
peace
TS |
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