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And I Am
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 10:56:33 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
The hawks are circling again
They’ve come to tell me I must defend
Against the approaching beast, as nary a friend
Will care for the helpless in the end
And I am helpless.
The leaves tumble down to me
A demonstration in movement obviously
Insisting that urgent change is a necessity
To eliminate the vulnerability
And I am vulnerable.
The wind howls out a lament
Stubborn, I refuse to hear to some extent
Though it continues on and will not relent
Only the weak, I contend, will consent
And I am weak.
The clouds roll on endlessly
Dispensing their rain drops, drenching me
And finally, I succumb to it, helplessly
Having tired for its unyielding intensity
And I am tired.
**********************
The hawks are circling, to the howl
Of the lonely beast that they hear somehow
Above the leaves, beneath the clouds
Excited by the screams, they’re wanting now
The wolf has caught the lamb
And I am
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-10-20 10:56:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 11:00:07 AM AEST
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A poem that just grips you. Excellent as well.
Kie |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by faith_my_eyes on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 11:00:51 AM AEST
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excellent rhyme scheme, albeit obscure... had to read this one a couple of times over, still not sure I understand.
Em |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 11:21:06 AM AEST
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vividly beautifully human..... hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 11:47:28 AM AEST
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An inner struggle perhaps (?) that makes me tremble with the intensity of the words. The timid acceptant lamb has been consumed by the passionate vocal wolf, and inspiration that was inhibited flows freely from the stronger persona ... I really like the way that was written. My perception may be a bit off ... but it speaks that way to me and it speaks in volumes !!!!
Nazmythian ~
( loose the beast within !!! ) |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by a_bear on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 11:54:18 AM AEST
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| beautiful. the wolf and the lamb. beautiful. I love the I Am..it's brilliant. |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 12:20:25 PM AEST
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a wonderful write, brilliantly expressed, not more to say :):)
pixie xx |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 03:19:15 PM AEST
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You are on a poetic roll....run with the ball ;o)
Excellent soul searching write.
Roses
Larry |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 03:31:45 PM AEST
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It's exciting to see you
write so brilliantly.
Not bad for a Bonehead.
--Mothy |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 04:10:13 PM AEST
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I can definately see that you are the lamb, I have a strange feeling that you are also the wolf....just an observation from a hawks point of view....:)
Wonderful job SNM...different, yet your usual brilliance! |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 21st October 2004 @ 01:04:30 AM AEST
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great work i particulary enjoyed the structure of this the single lines out on there own gives you time to pause and reflect enhancing the power of the poem.
johnny. |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 21st October 2004 @ 05:07:09 PM AEST
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If I criticise anything about this, its the fact that I noticed that this rhymed in the second half. Lament, in seven syllables sticks out - don't ask me how, but it caught me as being 'off' in respect to the rest of the poem, and I looked back and found that I'd been reading a rhymed set of stanzas. I found myself thinking something like 'aww! She could have at least fooled me all the way through!' I would have liked that very much. I just thought that lament...extent, etc. weren't as subtle.
Now, if someone came along and criticised me for doing just that, I'd accuse them of being pedantic - lol - but you know me enough to accept it as standard... and this as a weird kind of compliment, i'm sure.
Foreboding in cold, cold autumn. I like it very much.
Keep writing, SNM. |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 12:32:31 PM AEST
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| Unique style, though a cool flowing rythem, releasing some reall cool images, an excellent write, and a beautifully written poem. |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 24th October 2004 @ 07:03:49 PM AEST
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Very thought provoking write.
luv, huggs, smiles,
emy |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 31st October 2004 @ 06:42:55 AM AEST
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Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.
You were really on a roll. lol.
I don't pretend to totally understand this, I think it is very mush a writes perspective piece. lol. As in, I think you're probably the only person who totally understands it.
But, it is still a very stunning and thought provoking write.
Great work hunni,
*hugs* Phil xxx |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 08:37:59 AM AEST
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I liked this very much...I only stumbled over this one line:
A demonstration in movement obviously
It seemed to destroy the mood...I'd change it or at least change the last word.
Just my 2c.
Stitch |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Thursday, 6th April 2006 @ 02:49:04 PM AEST
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This is really awesome too! A great poem.
Deep too.
Take care.
Scott |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by ButchHoward on
Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 11:27:46 AM AEST
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Snemmy, I am awestruck at reading this! The brutality and beauty of nature is simultaneously conveyed here in a well thought out -no, more like brilliant, manner. The three perspectives of the hawk, lamb and wolf drew me in to it with an intensity I have rarely experienced. The construction of the poem is unique. I love the way you isolated the lines between stanzas. As a beginner to writing poetry, I have to tell you that I feel completely inferior after reading this. But, this is a good thing. It will make me think twice about the quality of what I submit in the future. By reading this, I have been inspired to work harder to reach a higher level of quality in anything I write in the future. You are an incredibly talented poet!
Butch |
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 31st May 2006 @ 03:37:01 AM AEST
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I feel like I should be standing up and applauding. This poem is incredibly powerful! The emotions, the metaphors. The flow, the sheer intensity. It also has such a wonderful flow to it that it seemed musical. This, I'm sure, could be set to music and made into an awesome song.
I stand in awe.
Tim
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Re: And I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 31st May 2006 @ 03:38:07 AM AEST
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| And you are...incredible! |
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