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Along, along
Contributed by
Kitty_cat
on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 10:01:50 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
My body's numb
My heart stings
My face is wet
But I can't feel a thing
My souls heavy
My hands are weak
I want to scream, shout
But right now I can't speak
I'm falling to pieces
I feel so alone
I wish I was in your arms
I wish I was home
My life is empty
Its purpose is gone
But still I keep on going
Along, along
Copyright ©
Kitty_cat
... [
2004-10-20 10:01:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Along, along
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 01:41:13 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Hi kitty_cat (*tickles under the chin and ear scratches*)
I think you have a nice poem here; and quite worth the effort to bring it under control.
Here's a mild edit. See what you think.
My body's numb
{And} My heart stings
My face is wet
{Yet} {-But} I can't feel a thing
My soul{'}s heavy
My hands are weak
I want to scream, shout
But [-right now} I{'m} {unable to } {-can't} speak
I'm falling {-to pieces} {apart}
I feel so alone
{Oh, to be} {-I wish I was} in your arms{,}
I wish I was home
My life is empty
Its{'} purpose is gone
But still I keep {-on} {plodding} {-going}
Along, along {...along}
******************
edit marks removed:
My body's numb 4
And my heart stings 4
My face is wet 4
Yet, I can't feel a thing 6
My soul's heavy 4
My hands are weak 4
I want to scream, shout 5
But I'm unable to speak 7
I'm falling apart 5
I feel so alone 5
Oh, to be in your arms, 6
I wish I was home 5
My life is empty 5
Its' purpose is gone 5
But still I keep plodding 6
Along, along...along 6
Stoney |
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Re: Along, along
(User Rating: 1 )
by Pyrofungus on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 01:53:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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so sad, but such a great job...i felt like that the other day at school...that was horrible, and no one even realized it but a few people...they expected me to just snap outta it and cheer up! ha they know nothing...you can't just snap outta it!
please comment on my work to
summer |
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Re: Along, along
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty_cat on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 02:25:23 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Thanks Stoney. I'll take your comments into consideration.
Keep on commenting on my work everyone! I really appreciate it :)
Love cat xxx
p.s. summer, i have been looking at your work, as you asked me to, and I think it is really good. You have a talent, keep at it. |
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