Your Poetry Dot Com

Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com - Read, Rate, Comment on, or Submit Poetry. Browse Poetry Forums, or just enjoy other parts of our poetic community.
One of the largest databases of poetry on the net, now over 198,500+ poems!

Poems On Site: 198,500+ Comments On Poems: 427,000+ Forum Posts: 105,000+

Custom Search


Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 12:12:58 AEST

Menu

· Our eBay Store

· Error Submit

Poetry

· Submit Poetry

· Least Read Poems

· Members Listing

· Old Site Post 2001

· Old Site Pre 2001

· Poetry Archive

· Public Domain Poetry

Stories

· Stories (NEW ! )

· Submit Story

· Story Topics

· Stories Archive

· Story Search

Community

· Our Poetry Forums

· Our Arcade
100's of Games !

Site Help

· FAQ

· Feedback

Members Areas

· Your Account

· Members Journals

· Premium Sign-Up

Premium Section

· Special Section

· Premium Poems

· Premium Submit

· Premium Search

· Premium Archive

· Premium Topics

Fun & Games

· Jokes

· Bubble Puzzle

· Cross Word Easy

· Word Hunt

Reference

· Dictionary (Rhyming)

· Site Updates

· Special Content

Search

Top

Help This Site

· Donations

Others

· Moderators

Our Other Sites

· Embroidery Design Store
· Your Jokes
· Special Urls
· JM Embroideries
· Public Domain Poetry and Stories
· Diamond Dotz
· Cooking Info and Recipes
· Quoof - Australian Story

Social

Beauty

Contributed by marsh62287 on Tuesday, 19th October 2004 @ 09:04:39 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

Inconspicuous Intensity
Beyond you beauty
Of frequency
All words kept
Simultaneously inept
As no word to speak of this
With such beauty
Kept inside
This totem of time
And space
What an inconspicuous place
Where life is flipped
And you are seen
As if more suns than
Stars in the sky
Shined on you
With complete
Inconspicuous intensity
And there is nothing
Beyond your beauty

Copyright © marsh62287 ... [ 2004-10-19 21:04:39]
(Date/Time posted on site)

Advertisments:

Previous Posted Poem | | Next Posted Poem

Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more

All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title etc.

Re: Beauty (User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 06:21:21 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I must have read this fifteen times trying to parse out what it
is you're trying to say and I can't make head nor tail of it.

Now, I'm sure you'll get your share of people who will blow
smoke up your butt and tell you how great it is and to keep writing.
Discard the plaudits and take the advice to keep writing because
it's only through practice that each of us can improve.

You might try just starting out with a simple statement, "I think
she's beautiful." Then proceed to make your case.

Your attempt at metaphor needs work:

"And you are seen
As if more suns than
Stars in the sky
Shined on you
With complete
Inconspicuous intensity"

A metaphor has to be teased into existance, and you haven't
teased this one enough.

I get a sense of what you're trying to convey, but the word choices
seem poor. For example, "inconspicuous intensity" where you have
one word which denotes more of a hidden quality, juxtapositioned
with a word which suggests a focusing of attention. I get the feeling
that it's intentional, but I'm wondering if the mixing of these two themes
works.

This part I can't glean any meaning from.

"Beyond you beauty
Of frequency"

You've selected an abstract concept to write about; beauty.

Therefore, I suggest you try to convey how beauty has an effect
on the beholder. How does it make the beholder feel?

This would be a good basis for a poem.

Regrds,

Stoney

While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. ©

Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster

All submitted items are Copyright © to their submitter. All the rest Copyright © 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.

Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com