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Far From An Angel
Contributed by
Deleterious_Dislike
on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 07:05:02 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
She fades away
like a summers day
She looks to me
her eyes dont see
She holds her breath
whilst under my ocean
She plays with death
She drinks my potion
and she plays in the dust
created by lust
all this my creation
all this my demise
I have no explanation
yet a cauldron of lies
and for those times she wept
and unsoundly slept
Im afraid I regret
everytime our bodies met
The moments they were gold
I meant all I told
thing is my souls been sold
and now my heart is cold
I wish i had the warmth
to hold you through the night
to keep you safe and sheltered
and from them out of sight
But I am far from an angel
I hold only one power
thats the skill to break your heart
and the ability to turn you sour
So you should stay away
That way you will be fine
because believe me it'll kill you
to stay here being mine
Copyright ©
Deleterious_Dislike
... [
2004-10-17 07:05:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 07:17:50 AM AEST
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A very sad and honest write told in simple prose. Nice start.
Stitch |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 07:41:05 AM AEST
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Nice to have you here at ypdc :o)
Your first post is one that many can relate to.
Well done
Larry |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by little_genna on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 08:23:48 AM AEST
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Welcome 2 YPDC
This is an interesting first write, I very much like it as I can relate to it more than I wish to. Your honesty makes this piece, I can feel your emotion just pouring from this poem. Well done and I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Gen xx |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 08:38:37 AM AEST
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| Reads like something I may write.... I love it... welcome to ypdc!! Looking forward to many more from you. |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 09:01:59 AM AEST
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welcome to YPDC a very sad and emotional write,
pixie xx |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 09:08:51 AM AEST
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| A beautiful and sad poem ,though cool write. |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 04:56:14 PM AEST
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Interesting name. I bid you welcome. I was also intrigued by your poem's structure, where it seems randomized, yet competent enough to convey to me the proper intent through the rhythm. Yet I'm perplexed by . . .
"and from them out of sight"
Who are 'they'?
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 05:21:52 PM AEST
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| Hmm I have the same qestion as Neptune. Good write though. |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Broken_Skin on
Monday, 18th October 2004 @ 08:51:30 AM AEST
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That was a sad poem
Very sad on the girls part
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Se1f-Destruct on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 11:45:57 PM AEST
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| That's a great poem....I'm speechless i don't even know what to say... |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 12:29:47 AM AEST
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| Amazing! I love it! |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Scarlett on
Monday, 24th January 2005 @ 03:13:25 AM AEST
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this was brilliant, i agree with neptunes, at first thought that it was pretty randomly organised but i liked the way it was set out. there was a rhyme scheme which was successful.
especially liked
"She holds her breath
whilst under my ocean
She plays with death
She drinks my potion"
and the last four lines were pretty effective too. thanks for your comments on my poems. always appreciated! x |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Wednesday, 2nd February 2005 @ 05:14:15 PM AEST
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Emotion is a funny thing, poured into the wrong thing and it will scar you for life, poured into the right thing and it becomes a thing of beauty something people will look at and relate too, understand and connect with
Im extremely impressed with this, it has all the makings of an excellent piece and leave the reader wanting more and more
cant wait to read more
Gutted with a claymore sword and hung to dry
Luke |
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Re: Far From An Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 3rd February 2005 @ 08:14:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| your first is still better than my best. amazing poem really. to be expected of course. so simple, yet holds depth. not so hard to achieve, but hard to stay consistent with. interesting switches with rhyme patterns, and subjects. |
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