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untitled
Contributed by
ryanjoesphliedtky
on
Thursday, 14th October 2004 @ 06:19:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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With a word describing a part
Of herself too secret to share
Tattooed upon her arm, her heart
Is golden, her face fair;
She walks into the room
And catches my eye;
Behold, out of the doom
Comes a girl beautiful and shy;
Too young to comprehend,
Too old not to understand;
A complex age on all ends,
A complex lover hand in hand;
I awake the next morn'
And see her sleeping next to me;
The sun reflecting from her; dawn
Upon her naked body!
Copyright ©
ryanjoesphliedtky
... [
2004-10-14 18:19:13] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 ) by Stoney1 on
Friday, 15th October 2004 @ 10:45:21 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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It's a good read. You might take another look at the punctuation:
Tattooed upon her arm, her heart
Is golden, her face fair
You might want to extend the pause a tad.
Is golden; her face, fair
Also in the 2nd verse 3rd line "doom".
Suggest, "gloom".
Stoney |
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