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Your own greatest enemy
Contributed by
socialmisfit
on
Monday, 11th October 2004 @ 11:26:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
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Living with our eyes half open
Stumbling through the week
We are our own opposition
Begging for answers, yet unwilling to seek
Your own greatest enemy is in your mirror
Never taking the chance, always giving up
Always crumbling to circumstance,
Forever leaving the mind shut
Open up your blinded eyes
Unlock the secrets found inside your head
Down deep is a sleeping giant, arise
Set it free, let your ambition put you ahead
Life is what you make it.
Make it good or make it bad.
Life is something that you choose,
Make it happy or make it sad.
Be mindful of the way you live,
What you give you will get.
And know that it’s all up to you,
‘Cause life is what you make it.
Copyright ©
socialmisfit
... [
2004-10-11 23:26:16] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Your own greatest enemy
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 02:30:27 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is another good poem by you, SM. Seriously, you're better than half of the poets on this site, in my opinion.
There's a couple of things i'd change here - more notably the ending, as it doesn't rhyme as strong as the rest does. I'd change the final stanza to something like;
"Be mindful of the way you live,
What you give you soon will get.
And know that it’s all up to you
In this last life, please don't forget"
Its not perfect, but it rhymes . . .
keep on truckin' |
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