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Achromatic
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 02:40:02 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Alone in a room, wreathed by emotion
Chamber so placid, devoid of commotion
A dream transcendental
My mind sentimental
Past times rewind my waning devotion
Photos in albums, scrapbooks of pages
Pieces of my life in plastic cages
Moments long departed
Remembered faint-hearted
With lazuline tears, I drift through stages
Agleam on my shelf, silver-cross pendant
Of purity's craft, symbol resplendent
My fingers grasp the chain
Of this bangle arcane
Never will I be Eden's ascendent
By melody held, a spectre entranced
Love born of music, by sadness enhanced
Old record skips a beat
Song remains incomplete
Innocuous tune, to which no one danced
A roundabout glance at walls time doth fade
This desiccate tomb where all hope decayed
Still recalling that trance
A painful remembrance
Those nights when I played 'steel blade serenade'
I stare at my arms, engraved with malice
Made me the king in solitude's palace
Fadeless are those deep scars
Sempiternal memoirs
Long since I've imbibed the forlorn chalice
I sit, solemn, and recall
Minutes, ticking, at a crawl
I don't belong here at all
Pictures, frozen, time encased
Flipping, searching, printed waste
No reason why, just misplaced
Relics, haunting, bring dismay
Music, calming, floats away
Nary a purpose to stay
Scratches, bleeding, sear with pain
My eyes, shed tears, no refrain
I'll never return again
My 'then and now' juxtaposed
One last time that door is closed
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-10-09 02:40:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 03:25:46 AM AEST
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| wow, this is awesome, i love it!!!!!!! |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ronald on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 04:44:54 AM AEST
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| I love the way you play with your words. It just makes you poem so interesting! I like it! |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 06:40:52 AM AEST
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A powerful poem, which has a great flow and rhythum. A heartfelt piece that really conveyed your feelings. A great use of words, I wish I had your vocabulary.
A wonderful write
Willofree |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 08:24:44 AM AEST
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an amazing poem VS, look forward to reading more from you
pixie xx |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 10:18:29 AM AEST
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Ah, VS... your heart bled into this one.
It seems as if you took a while, teetering on the edge of that cliff. Like you weren't quite sure how deep you wanted to fall into that water below. But I feel that you took that jump, that you plunged in and the words were the only ones keeping the pieces of you together.
You let these words come, and they have become you. This is beautiful, a masterpiece of heart.
Keep writing forever,
-Eve. |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by brigitte7735 on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 08:36:32 PM AEST
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This is everything I love from you, intermixing your talent whilst still projecting a raw emotion. I am so thunderstruck by your effortless mastery of verbalism that I shiver at the ways you continuously surprise me in a way even the great modern artists ( Tarantino, Todd Solondz, Lars Von Trier ) have not.
A constant growing , the telling of stories in different ways. You dabble in so many genres and so many styles, yet never lose your distinctive qualities and that is what makes you so great. You are not afraid to bleed your emotions onto the paper , yet give them the care and respect they deserve by never relying on 'stock' wordplay. You recognize when maybe simpler is better, yet every line seeps of the sort of diction that , if I did not know you, would instill such an awe that I would never believe I could acheive from someone other then a filmmaker.
I am truly impressed by this and it is one of my all time favorites. So different from Curtain Call and your work lately because you have stripped yourself of the grandiose and showed me your vulnerbility. Personally, that touches me much more then an epic. Its the fraility of each individual, all experiencing these same feelings, and yet so detached from one another. How can we all long for and reach for the same things, yet can never reach for each other?
God I love you
All my love,
Vanessa |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 09:39:14 PM AEST
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Greatness in this flow.
The Wind..... |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 15th October 2004 @ 04:21:12 PM AEST
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I absolutely echo Vanessa and Eve's comments... it is writes likes this one, when you strip away all else and drop your soul onto the page, that are so incredibly moving. This is - as your work ALWAYS is - incredibly well crafted.... but it is more than that -- so very much more.
This is simply incredible, Dan. It is, I think, rather exactly what you should point to if ever asked what your proud of. For at least a dozen different reasons - this piece stands alone.
Always a fan,
SNM
(and for Vanessa ---- your comment brought tears to my eyes. Damn you two are so lucky to have each other.) |
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Saturday, 16th October 2004 @ 08:45:08 AM AEST
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I had to read this a couple times. What an incredible synopsis of your journey.
Here are my favorite lines:
Alone in a room, wreathed by emotion
What an incredible way to say quiet place and it serves the dual purpose of being a quiet place within as well as a real place.
Photos in albums, scrapbooks of pages
Pieces of my life in plastic cages
What can I say...the second line here is both awesome and brilliant and I wish I had written it.
A roundabout glance at walls time doth fade
This desiccate tomb where all hope decayed
Still recalling that trance
A painful remembrance
Those nights when I played 'steel blade serenade'
Alright, the whole stanza is just awesome---packed with picturesque emotion.
I stare at my arms, engraved with malice
Made me the king in solitude's palace
Fadeless are those deep scars
Sempiternal memoirs
Raw, heartwrenching, and honest.
I sit, solemn, and recall
Minutes, ticking, at a crawl
I don't belong here at all
Pictures, frozen, time encased
Flipping, searching, printed waste
No reason why, just misplaced
Relics, haunting, bring dismay
Music, calming, floats away
Nary a purpose to stay
Scratches, bleeding, sear with pain
My eyes, shed tears, no refrain
I'll never return again
My 'then and now' juxtaposed
One last time that door is closed
Like a last visit to a grave and the turning to leave behind the painful death knowing that life must go on and that it can in abundance.
Oh, this is surely one of your best. Your thesaurus must be so dog eared, but BRAVO, my friend BRAVO!
Stitch
(who is in awe of VS)
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Re: Achromatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by eyesxcriedxout1989 on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 01:26:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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...*jaw hangs open* This is beatiful...I really love this poem
Mason |
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