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Broken Dance
Contributed by
xxbreathlessx
on
Tuesday, 5th October 2004 @ 06:34:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I fear the steps that lie ahead
It’s a broken dance
That I just dread
The steps all wrong
The melody of sorrow
So lost in worry and terror
For the day of tomorrow
Captivate the lost within me
Make me find myself in
The most glamorous of dances
On a happy tune that pleases me
A tune that will have me
Move my feet
A song that will help me
Spread my wings
And open my eyes to the life
Of beauty
Trample over the dance of sadness
That lies in a corner
Forgotten
Embrace in the dance that
Leaves me rejuvenated
In the pool of life
Having me dance the steps
Without the strife
Moving in a dress of diamonds and silk
Touching upon skin as sweet as milk
Finding out life has so much more
To it than it seems
Dancing my way into a dream.
Copyright ©
xxbreathlessx
... [
2004-10-05 18:34:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Broken Dance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Katie2008 on
Tuesday, 5th October 2004 @ 08:15:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very nice write and totally unique. Great work!
Katie |
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Re: Broken Dance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 5th October 2004 @ 10:46:42 PM AEST
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| great write. very nice ending. |
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Re: Broken Dance
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Wednesday, 26th January 2005 @ 06:12:22 PM AEST
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Great poem about life. Again, you have the feeling of hope and courage that resonates within this piece.
A song that will help me
Spread my wings
And open my eyes to the life
Of beauty
Trample over the dance of sadness
That lies in a corner
Forgotten
And I also liked this line
Finding out life has so much more
To it than it seems
Dancing my way into a dream.
Has a feeling of freedom. Keep writing. You have a lot to say, and as long as you allow yourself to say it, if you can remain open as a writer, you will keep getting better and better. You have within you, what you need to be a great writer. My only criticism, is that I think you could say what you are trying to say better, maybe if you didn't limit yourself to a rhyming scheme. I don't know. A lot of poets like to use rhymes, but I don't like to because I think it's easier to just say what you want to say without making your poetry fit inside a "box" or fit within "boundaries", because when we do not limit ourselves, it opens us up to the most creative meanis of expression, and that's when something great flows out of us. To use rhymes kind of limits that creativity. But that's just my own opinion. And as I'm re-reading your poem, I see that you did not rhyme all the way through......so I don't know....I guess the only thing I'm trying to say, is that I like the content of your poems. I like what you are saying, but I think that at certain parts, you could say it better. But you know, I think that you are in the exact right spot as a writer, because the content, the depth of your expression is there, within your poems, and as long as you keep expressing that, then you will keep growing as a writer. You're right where you need to be.
Be True,
zenmind |
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