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mom please dont yell at me..........
Contributed by
wild_girl121
on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 05:10:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
schoolproblems
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wow its already the 5th week in school,
i cant beleive it.... and im really glade that
i moved here, its just like so awesome , people
are pretty cool , im doing good this year, i havent done
that whole "party thing" or the drugs and showing up to school
drunk, whats the point you go to school to learn and the kids
around you are either stoned or drunk maybe even on acid.
but whats the catch? well i wasnt that much of a good girl , i
used to skip school get drunk and show up the next day to school
with a hangover, it was fun but not worth my time. i failed one class
and now i have to take it over again .... and i wish i would have just stayed
at school those days instead of smoking and drinking.it did me no good,
and my friend always said " dont worry we wont get caught" . oh we did
and it wasnt that great. neither was our made up story of what we were doing
and why the school was calling and saying " your son or daughter was absent
in one or more classes today. well to sum this up
stay in school and take advantage of what you have now and use it in the future
so what now? huh? do you want to yell and cuss at me for being a bad kid and trying to
make my life better? please tell me mom that you'll understand.... because you were once
a teenager and did the same stuff i just confessed to.
Copyright ©
wild_girl121
... [
2004-10-01 17:10:13] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: mom please dont yell at me..........
(User Rating: 1 ) by Yousef on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 05:32:23 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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What I really noticed in this poem is that I felt the truth written and that's important, you must believe the poet to continue his poem, and I believed this poem, may be it's not well written in my point of view but a good effort, I liked the finale "please tell me mom that you'll understand.... because you were once
a teenager and did the same stuff I just confessed to", so good effort and good luck. |
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Re: mom please dont yell at me..........
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 08:33:43 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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very storylike. this has something to it where its like you are just being natural and saying all this stuff as if in a conversation. good write =] |
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Re: mom please dont yell at me..........
(User Rating: 1 ) by AnastasiaN on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 08:40:59 PM AEST (User
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i'm glad you've woken up to the real world and realize that you don't have to act irresponsible to have fun. and it takes a while for parents to forget about your past misbehaviours. you said that you wanted ppl to comment on your poems so you might make them better, i think storyline poems are great, but you might want to use more poetic devices to add depth to your poems. otherwise there is a story section to the site! good luck with school and take care. |
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Re: mom please dont yell at me..........
(User Rating: 1 ) by wild_girl121 on
Sunday, 3rd October 2004 @ 07:05:28 PM AEST (User
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thanks i didnt realize that there was a place for stories, but i just typed word for word with out writting it down first .anyways thanks for the coments. |
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Re: mom please dont yell at me..........
(User Rating: 1 ) by Sinned on
Thursday, 30th March 2006 @ 07:59:19 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Wildgirl_121
Your story comes across,but your ryming could be better and use those capatial letters when needed.
Moms & dads remember their teen years and worry because they fear you might make some of the same mistakes they went through.
Keep writting you have a lot to offer.
Sinned |
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