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Fragmented goodbyes
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 12:03:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
I would contemplate the tears that coruscate in your eyes,
And I know I could drown in those pools of forsaken fear,
Almost pleading for me to fall into them...
...And die for you...there is nothing to lose.
So I'll lose myself in you...
And I could hear you breathe your last breath to me,
As our hands tighten in one last broken apology.
And my mouth cracks, never to be fixed,
As I taste both our mingled salt tears...
As we kiss a last goodbye....
But, now it will never be okay again,
For I can never again look into your eyes,
Never again hear your cries,
Never hold you within my arms...
Please never let me forget what passed...
All that is left is a broken fragment of the way we used to be,
For you were my world, you were my everything,
And the memories will live on, while you will fade away,
Just like the world...I watch it fade to grey,
I don't want you to fade away...
And I know that you are gone from me,
But still a part of you will always remain,
And I will keep holding on to the belief,
That we will once again be together someday,
But until that day...
Wait for me...
Won't someone teach me how to breath again,
To hold these stiff fingers in a happy wave...
To fix this broken smile, and wipe away the tears,
Please teach me how to feel alive again.
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2004-09-30 12:03:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remy on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 12:07:06 PM AEST
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title idea: "fragmented" comment: wow... honest and heartfelt, this is beautiful. ;0)
~Remy~ |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 02:25:32 PM AEST
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Coruscate? (sounds of johnny russling through his dictionary!) i'm afraid i can't give you a constructive criticism but i can give you a positive comment! great work and good title!
oh ye of little faith.
wildejohnny. |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 02:38:20 PM AEST
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this has me in tears, its too close to home,
*composes herself for comment......*
its an excellent write and a beautiful poem, the title is mightily fine too,
hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:-
coruscate *brightly* cool word:) |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 03:34:12 PM AEST
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Phil this is such a touching write, your poems always have so much feeling in them you make your readers feel the emotions that you felt, you are a truly amazing writer,
takecare
*hugs*
pixie xx |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 05:04:52 PM AEST
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Oh Phil...
This is beautiful, so touching and full....of you.
Truely, truely a great write!!! |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 01:37:52 AM AEST
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| omg this is a beautiful and touching write, i love it, you have such talent! |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 09:53:24 AM AEST
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~~~~WOW~~~~
Many long stemmed roses
Larry |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dorian on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 01:02:38 PM AEST
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beautifuly written, epressions of heart felt sympathy
and remorse, sorry 4 your pain . . . Dorian
well deserved * * * * * * * * * * |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dorian on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 01:06:52 PM AEST
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| i mean the stars r well deserved don't want that 2 get misinterpited, time is on your side, keep the faith . . . Dorian |
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Monday, 4th October 2004 @ 09:21:08 AM AEST
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Where did you find a word like coruscate?
I love the following stanza! Nice work.
Stitch
And I could hear you breathe your last breath to me,
As our hands tighten in one last broken apology.
And my mouth cracks, never to be fixed,
As I taste both our mingled salt tears...
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Re: Fragmented goodbyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Tuesday, 12th October 2004 @ 08:57:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is such a touching write. This has a lot of emotion to it. You are a great writer.
Spazzo |
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