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What If Street Lights
Contributed by
mdmorash
on
Friday, 24th September 2004 @ 10:06:23 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Upon the night a sea of jewels,
Those twinkling lights,
That guides our way,
Though never asked to do.
But if they knew us,
Would they show us?
Or would they pick or choose?
Would they show favor,
Within the night,
By leaving someone lost?
Would they guide those,
They don’t like,
Away from where they go?
Or would they see,
Past petty spite,
To help all with the need?
And could we learn,
A lesson here,
One taught by simple things?
If we behaved,
Just like these lights,
What changes would we see?
Would we be able,
To adjust,
And see past our dislikes?
Or would we simply,
Lose our glow,
And flounder in the night?
I think it’s best,
The way it is,
For can we really change?
Would anything,
Be bad enough,
To force the other way?
But now the truth,
It comes to this,
We can no longer hide.
For ev’ry rock,
Will soon be spun,
To pull us from our lair.
And on that day,
We will be forced,
To answer questions true.
But we’ll no longer,
Have those lights,
To blindly guide us through.
© 2004
Michael David Morash
All rights reserved
Copyright ©
mdmorash
... [
2004-09-24 10:06:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What If Street Lights
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 24th September 2004 @ 01:18:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I must say I really like this poem. However, you drifted from the point I wanted you to concentrate on, with the question you asked;
"I think it’s best,
The way it is,
For can we really change?"
I believe we can change, and a question could be posed more profoundly of the comparison between these city lights, and the lights in the sky at night. including Destiny. Necessity and God etc.
Your ending loses its logic, also. You say;
"But we’ll no longer,
Have those lights,
To blindly guide us through."
Change the 'we'll' to 'we'd' and I think it would work better.
All in all though, I really like this, as It was original and inspired, with all your rights reserved.
Keep writing, Michael. |
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Re: What If Street Lights
(User Rating: 1 )
by mdmorash on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 09:21:42 AM AEST
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Thank you neptunes_first for reading and offering your advice. I do not do much free verse poetry, and your suggestions are welcome.
Thanks again,
Michael |
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Re: What If Street Lights
(User Rating: 1 )
by Socks on
Wednesday, 3rd May 2006 @ 02:03:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I love your last three lines. (and your title).
Interesting poem.
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