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Black Sheep
Contributed by
liquidsunshine
on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 06:20:24 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The black sheep grazes in the fields in the night
Drifting alone in his mis'rable plight
The black sheep bleats when there's no one around
Acquiring taste for the roots beneath the ground
The black sheep lurks in the shadow of the day
Paying no mind to the other sheep at play
The black sheep runs when the shearer wants his wool
Though at times when he dreams he'll bite it and he'll pull
The black sheep wanders to the forest one late night
Drifing alone in his mis'rable plight
The black sheep meets a wolf with a menacing stare
And stares straight back and there's anger in the air
The black sheep bleats and the wolf lets out a howl
That puts the sheep in awe as he'd expected a growl
The black sheep sees that the wolf is jet black too
And a raven caw-caws as the clock goes cuc-koo
Copyright ©
liquidsunshine
... [
2004-09-16 06:20:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Black Sheep
(User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 08:05:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I enjoyed this very much
well done
cheers! |
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Re: Black Sheep
(User Rating: 1 )
by lifefliesby on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 05:13:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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another poem I never commented in person on
I like it
whenever I try to write like this, it doesn't come out as emotional, clear, or all around as good
keep it up... I love ur style and I love you
Jared |
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Re: Black Sheep
(User Rating: 1 )
by afterdark on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 09:14:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Good poem here..I really liked it.
AfterDark.. |
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Re: Black Sheep
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 10:54:46 PM AEST
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great style, flow and content, very delightful to read:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Black Sheep
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Friday, 5th August 2005 @ 04:32:01 PM AEST
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Overall I liked the style and presentation of this write, but felt a couple bumps along the way that agitated the flow a wee bit...(Who loves the two opening lines btw) Okay; the fourth line...a comma after 'roots' would've smoothed it out more...Also this line;
"The black sheep wanders to the forest one late night..."
I personally think would've sounded better switching the places of 'one' and 'late'.
Then the last two lines I think kind of throws off an otherwise creative write...The 'expected a growl' line could've been a good ending I think...I did enjoy this poem though, and you have progressed remarkably well in the past year!!
Very nicely done: )
Scorp.
(Who would not be embarrassed in the least to be able to call this write her own) |
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