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Demon
Contributed by
DarkSoulAngel
on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 09:45:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
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"Demon"
It comeusm my every thou and actions
It eats at my body
I�m losing my will to live
I get happy and then this demon comes into my live
I knew I should of said no but I was count up in the moment
They where a whore, they did this to me
But my new love is better and they are meant for me
My heart and soul goes to them
One would die for the other no matter what
We wont leave each others side
This demon�
Should be killed
Should be dissored
Should be gone
But now its mine demon
And everyone else that is around me�
Copyright ©
DarkSoulAngel
... [
2004-09-15 21:45:24] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Demon
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 10:03:15 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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constructive criticism: your poem is difficult to read because of your misspellings and grammar mistakes. its easy to make grammar mistakes, but when you confuse two different words; it just makes the reader wonder what you are actually trying to say and messes up the rhythym and their feelings and thoughts for your poem. i have no idea what you mean in the first line at all. "It comeusm my every thou and actions"
on the other hand your write is original, at least to me. i havent read a poem about this before. and you presented the concept well. |
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