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clouds of smoke

Contributed by Rae on Monday, 13th September 2004 @ 08:29:04 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

two-fold.
you're better off without me.
you can't take me with you.
it's a deep sadness.
it's a thought i'll
be contemplating
for a year.
it'll be one of those moments
when i look up to the sky
and lose my head
with the breeze
of passing opportunities.
sadly, for me, i'm
one of these people.

-rae'04. 091004. Friday.

Copyright © Rae ... [ 2004-09-13 20:29:04]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: clouds of smoke (User Rating: 1 )
by TheSchroedmeister on Monday, 13th September 2004 @ 08:35:41 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I really appreciate your choice of punctuation; it adds a matter-of-factly, very stimulating, and altogether cohesive effect to the work.

I hope the reader finds his/her place in that "breeze of passing opportunities", as I'm sure the reader is well deserving of it.

Great job again, look forward to more

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