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hypothermia
Contributed by
Cancer
on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 11:03:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
the cold, so slowly seeping in
water, still moist on naked skin
in the falling snow i sit
smiling and starting to shiver
mountains eat the waning sun
a kiss blown softly
to a beauty i'll never see again
and as i watch the silent wonder
of my breath fogging virgin air
the numb crawls slowly up my legs
sluggishly racing for my heart
in dreams it never felt like this
so soft and easy
like going to sleep....
so sleepy
my hands, now blocks of wood
scooping snow to rub across my body
there are moments
when i can't remember where i am
or how i got here
now and then
i'll mutter softly
though i'm not sure what i'm saying
the moon sits high
as i can no longer sit up
falling back into the snow
eyelids heavy
sensation fading
so sleepy
but i want to be awake when i go
the snow falls into my open eyes
but i don't notice
enthralled by the feeling
of icy fingers massaging my heart
can't even feel my struggle for air
soft and peaceful and silent
i become just another flake of snow
fallen from the heavens
to bless the earth with aching beauty
the small blot of Void in my mind
spreads to consume my soul
and i smile at the fading sensation
of the blanket of snow that covers me
starting to feel warm
Copyright ©
Cancer
... [
2004-09-09 23:03:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: hypothermia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 11:11:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| excellent write. vivid imagery. brilliant word usage. keep up the great work. |
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Re: hypothermia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Chanti on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 11:26:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Brilliant. Loved the imagery, words became pictures... awesome write
Chanti - - |
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Re: hypothermia
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Friday, 10th September 2004 @ 02:11:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Wow, your poetry always moves me ... this one just takes my breath away ... suicide by freezing, interesting concept ... loved this write ... Jan |
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Re: hypothermia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Friday, 10th September 2004 @ 06:32:17 AM AEST
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| awesome |
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Re: hypothermia
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Wednesday, 8th December 2004 @ 05:31:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Well this is the best suicide poem I've ever read on this site. You are morbid. Damn. I'm impressed because in every suicide poem i've read, I was bored with it, they always sound so cliched. But this....you make it sound heavenly....like a beautiful dream...a wish....holy sh*t.
there are moments
when i can't remember where i am
or how i got here
Ooh, this was interesting....I'm sure that's what it would actually be like. Very vivid and real. It's an aspect of the experience that can only be known to the person experiencing it, or at least someone as morbid as you are.....lol...F*cked up.
soft and peaceful and silent
i become just another flake of snow
fallen from the heavens
to bless the earth with aching beauty
the small blot of Void in my mind
spreads to consume my soul
and i smile at the fading sensation
of the blanket of snow that covers me
starting to feel warm
Jesus, this last part was amazing. You make it sound so beautiful...fading into the oneness of reality...no seperation....just another flake of snow.....beautiful. But reality is actually like this already. We just can't recognize it because of our attachments....but whatever, that 's just a bunch of Buddhist sh*t.....
and i smile at the fading sensation
of the blanket of snow that covers me
starting to feel warm
And these last lines are the perfect ending. Starting to feel warm. Wow, that expresses it perfectly.
Damn
Be True,
zenmind |
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