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Nightmare Sleepwalking
Contributed by
Phoenix__
on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 06:41:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
My hands and arms feel light as a feather
Moving them feels so awkward
Tiny rocks fall onto my head one by one
Unexpected a huge rock falls
Tiny rocks continue their relentless assault
I see a figure in front of me
The face familiar
Yet I don’t know who it is
The whole time I am shrieking
My parents arrive
They hold me tight
I feel a bit better
They read to me
I feel at ease
I fall asleep
Now older, as a man
Very rarely it occurs
Only at times when I become really sick
But when it does it’s still the same
But I’m too old to be held tight now
To old to be read to
I yell for someone
Anyone
No one comes
I’m left alone with this insanity
The lights go out
Alone, in the dark
I am left to fight my Demons
Copyright ©
Phoenix__
... [
2004-09-09 18:41:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Nightmare Sleepwalking
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 07:01:22 PM AEST
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| We all battle our own private demons. An interesting write that I can verily relate, I too sometimes am forced to face my own demons whilst I am down in the nights...one reason why I cannot sleep peacefully. We use to have parents to turn to but now, older we often have to fend or ourselves especially those who have none to share their life and demons with. Interesting write. |
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Re: Nightmare Sleepwalking
(User Rating: 1 )
by katyqueen35 on
Friday, 10th September 2004 @ 03:53:28 AM AEST
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Hmm very interesting write.
We all have nightmares that goess on and on.No matter if were adults.It's still the same. |
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Re: Nightmare Sleepwalking
(User Rating: 1 )
by poetmarie on
Friday, 10th September 2004 @ 11:47:01 AM AEST
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| Interesting. Something we all can relate to in one way or another. I don't think we're ever too old hold to be held tight. |
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Re: Nightmare Sleepwalking
(User Rating: 1 )
by MoonlitAngel on
Saturday, 11th September 2004 @ 12:33:42 PM AEST
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I really like this one... my only piece of advice is that in the beginning, if you'd used a synonym for the word "rock" once or twice, it wouldn't have sounded so repetitive. Like, in the line "Unexpected a huge rock falls", I think the word "stone" would've been great, to help get the size of it across even more. And something else for the next line... maybe not pebbles, coz they're really small, but just something else... sorry, i'm picky that way, I live by my thesaurus. lol. I'll shut up now. I really did like the poem though, love the transition between the two stanzas. Well done.
~ Moonlit |
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Re: Nightmare Sleepwalking
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Sunday, 12th September 2004 @ 04:29:19 PM AEST
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It was cool. Looking forward to more of your work.
--Mothy |
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Re: Nightmare Sleepwalking
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lee on
Thursday, 23rd September 2004 @ 09:40:38 PM AEST
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The Surreal eeL y'know Feel says:
I be a sleep walkin' too laddie. Openin' me drawers an' gettin' awl dressed for school in the middle of the night.
(In the middle of the night) doo-wop doo-wop
Well done! |
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