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Mommy's Little Failure
Contributed by
darkplaidbabe
on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 10:55:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
My brain is sluggish, stimulated by nothing less than the spectacular.
I’ve been tired but never like this before, thoughts tear past my eyes in little phantoms of light. My eyelids are moist and burnt. The veins in my eyeballs swell in an attempt to relieve this insane feeling but to no avail. The crimson that pumps through my heart boils and gurgles with anger at my stupidity. How could I let it go wrong?? Why didn’t I make her better?? I sit here, hands clutching my head, legs tucked up into the safety of my old t-shirt. I want to rip it off, this stupid, frustrating head of mine!! It brings me nothing but failure and pain, humiliation and anger. And then this sadness, this burning ember of sadness that I hate with such a passion! It haunts me constantly, even when I should be content, when I should feel like a normal person. Ah but I’m not normal, no not even close. I’m a freak, a terrible, ugly creature. One that hurts and fails others, the one no one wants to see, after all, why trouble yourself with such a useless soul as I? I am the bastard, the *****, the sickness, stay away and you’ll stay happy. I am the rejected proposal, the orphan child. I am your secrets, your ugly deeds done in a different dimension when you were young and foolish, keep me in the back of your life, the past. Your guilty conscious. Yes, you are guilty too, as I am, you were once unsatisfactory, you too were a failure but unlike me, you gave in, you sold your own soul simply for a clean slate, to forget your betrayals and sins. But they are not gone, they still haunt you and I know what they are, I know why you pray at night, I know why you want forgiveness. Because you have not forgotten, you look at me and you see, you remember what you’ve done, the terrible things you’ve done. You see in my eyes the past life that you once led, in my heart that same dagger of pain. The devil tiptoes behind me, hiding in my shadow, just waiting for the curse to bring me down, further and further until I finally reach his fiery gates of hell. The seventh level, for the slaves, the tortured souls. His sinner-friendly home (save for the murderers and sadists, for them is the eighth and ninth). Lost in these thoughts, wandering through my mind I see the broken faith of those whom I used to love. The very ones I looked towards and admired as a child. Yes, they too have been taken down down, down to the depths to sign that contract of the damned. Forget the sins for now, pay for them later (with interest). My brooding is interrupted as an unknown passes by, eyes are averted and gazes cast away, and as usual the bad luck charm (me) has been successfully avoided. So now I am my inner child, scribing another message to my eyes. Sending movements to my freezing limbs, so cold from blood stopped flowing. An idea is come and I am contemplating. Such a drastic measure?? For an end that im not even sure will be what I want it to be? I have decided. I see the glimmer in the pale sun that falls on my dwelling. The sky’s, like my trembling lips, are gray, not bright as they should be. The cold trickle of release dripping slowly down my arm tickles a little. I smile at the feeling, something I haven’t done in almost two years. The dark pool on the ground looks so pretty, spreading like a spilt glass of wine. Eyelashes flutter and soon I will be leaving, free of this curse I have bore for years. I have found a way out, I know the secret passage, the one you were too frightened to take. Yes, it is dark and unfamiliar, but it is warm and new, I know failure cannot follow me here. Its true, I have failed you mother, and now I am leaving you, an action you will probably see as a betrayal. But you know what? I don’t feel guilty at all.
Copyright ©
darkplaidbabe
... [
2004-09-07 22:55:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Mommy's Little Failure
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 11:03:31 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Very, very sad but written well.
One can feel the hate-n-anger.
also the will do right.
the past is the past.
try to make it a better now.
luv, huggs, many prayers,
emy |
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Re: Mommy's Little Failure
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 11:05:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Holy crap! This was so captivating and
disturbing. I loved this written with such
intense emotion. I personally think this shoulda been put in the story section, but if it
was I might have missed it. This was
awesome though... make no mistake about it.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Mommy's Little Failure
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Wednesday, 8th September 2004 @ 01:13:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| AWESOME! this is great! |
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Re: Mommy's Little Failure
(User Rating: 1 )
by Destiny on
Wednesday, 8th September 2004 @ 06:01:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Very powerful write |
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Re: Mommy's Little Failure
(User Rating: 1 )
by Blackevar on
Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 08:45:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| The concept of failure as a revenge is brilliantly laid out and great use of Dante! |
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