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I
Contributed by
2bruisedandbeaten4you
on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 02:01:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I feel/ useless and hated/ worthless/ never sated/ pained and grieved/ tortured and deceived/ broken and bruised/ beaten and used/ glum and sad/ insane, quite mad/ pleased to die/ always to cry/ forever to lie/ I have/ nothing to gain/ everything to lose/ a feeble brain/ from years of abuse/ a broken soul/ a shattered heart/ shoved down in a hole/ you ripped it apart/ battered pride/ tears I’ve cried/ anger suppressed inside/ I want/ to stop the pain/ wracking my brain/ to feel the love/ from heaven above/ to embrace the past/ the grief cannot last/ to halt the sorrow/ and look to tomorrow/ I need/ not to cry/ when I see that look in her eye/ I need longsuffering peace/ to stop the disease/ So grant me these/ I beg you please/ I ask upon the bended knee/ hear my plea/ and grant me peace/ the sweet release/ from the prison cell/ in which I dwell/ this earthly hell.
Copyright ©
2bruisedandbeaten4you
... [
2004-09-07 14:01:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovesucks on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 04:38:09 PM AEST
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| I really feel your pain great write there is hope |
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Re: I
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 04:47:47 PM AEST
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I too, see the angst seeping out here. I say 'seeping', as opposed to say, 'flooding', because of the way you structured this write. I managed to digest it well enough, but I get the impression that it could be improved upon were you to lay it out in stanzas, or punctuate the narrative with carriage returns instead of forward slashes.
This is just a suggestion, however, and you may have a perfectly valid reason for this style - its just that I feel that this reads more as a narrative than a rhythmic item of poetry, because the rhymes aren't properly distinguished by separate line breaks.
Anyway, I've said enough. Good poem -
Keep writing. |
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