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Nightbreak in the Orchard
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 12:04:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Through verdant grove, our hands entwine
We amble forth past leaves and pine
Labyrinth born of nature's design
In darkness clad, no stars to shine
In guise of branches, claws extend
In cloak of night the shades pretend
Sinuous trail, our path shall bend
By footprints left, our journey's penned
This forest lives, this forest breathes
'Neath clouded moon this union grieves
Encircled now by wayward leaves
Twisted branches as woven wreaths
The clustered trees chant eerie hymns
Their living shield obscures our glims
By swell of fog our moonlight dims
We're left as prey to shadows whims
Near endless road, all hopes allayed
Our haunting fright knows not to fade
Within this scene a game is played
Crimson eyes ignite pitchless glade
He screams through trees, the striding beast
On our fear this demon shall feast
Those eyes, in size, thus did increase
His fury, claws, and fangs released
With hell-born roar, he forged ahead
Nowhere to run, we froze instead
Within my chest his nails embed
A lethal swath carved deep in red
Eternal pose, in blood now cast
A languid form, life fading fast
In dying eyes, my tears amassed
My final sight, a blur, came past. . .
My love fell down and breathed her last
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-09-03 00:04:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 12:09:25 AM AEST
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*smiles* Beautifully done, Dan. Haunting, vivid, and near-flawlessly penned. Love the *searches for the word* the cadence, I guess, of this piece. The way it just lilts and flows from line to line . . . a pleasure to read.
love, hugs, chocolate aarkvarks, promises, your you-ness, my me-ness, other scarily weird but good stuff,
Nora(aaaaaaaa. heh) |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaeann on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 12:12:18 AM AEST
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| the imagery is amazing......the prose exquisite....reminds me of my own foresty dreams...... |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 12:43:16 AM AEST
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This forest lives, this forest breathes
Oh!!! It absolutely does. Your mind has given birth to it and your hand has made it so.
Fabulous imagery, as always! I particular like the ending here... the last five lines are perfect. I'm also impressed at how you pulled off the rhyming here - without appearing construed in any way. Nora's right... the cadence of this piece is terrific... it picks up the pace, flowing with fervor, as it moves along.
Well done, Dan!
SNM |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 01:28:28 AM AEST
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| awesome, this is really good! you have such great talent!!!!!!!!! |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 03:30:37 AM AEST
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Bravo! This is a fine, fine piece. It has a mythic quality, very well portrayed. And the ending is rather moving, actually. Quite a dream. *shivers*
Excellent work.
Slàn
Andrew |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 07:00:38 AM AEST
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I've not read anything of yours in a while my friend. This is a fitting write to reaquaint myself with. Beautifully done. You know I am a fan of the dark love writes and this was a work of art.
Very well done
Barkeep!!
Larry |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 12:27:19 PM AEST
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Firstly i wish to say sorry to you myfriend for my lack of participation in commenting my friend, ive just started a new job and am also carry on with my old one, i have also been house sitting for a dear friend at the same time so life has been... active
A perfect write to come back into the game with, so precise to its meaning and yet so dreaming in essence that you are left with an illusional cloud around your thoughts, i am most impressed, once again executed with perfect R and R and the language used is by far something that has always been and always will be my favorite area of your masterpieces
5 stars without a shadow of a doubt for this one my friend
Climbing into a meat grinder and waving a white flag at the amazement
Luke |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by SlimStaple on
Saturday, 4th September 2004 @ 04:15:53 PM AEST
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| I really like this poem. A lot. It paints a very clear image of the dream. |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Saturday, 18th September 2004 @ 07:45:24 PM AEST
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Heartbreaking. It makes me think of dreams I have had. They often come with a change in one's life. A time when responsibility is enlarged and the fear of living up to that overwhelms. Sorry, don't mean to psychoanalyze you there. As always a well-thought-out right, but with a great deal of story---a fullness in that way that makes me wonder if this might be expanded. Ok, just rambling here. Say, goodnight, Stitch.
Goodnight,
Stitch |
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Re: Nightbreak in the Orchard
(User Rating: 1 )
by shanarah on
Friday, 15th October 2004 @ 07:37:28 PM AEST
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Finding out the essentials of our thoughts is as interesting as the dreams themselves.
awsome like usual.
great write Dan!
take care,
shanarah...
(Lori) |
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