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Cold Waters
Contributed by
Gabriel
on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 01:59:09 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
waters! the cold waters!
dark with foam so divine,
rush up to greet the bay,
and account for their past.
pleading stories whispered
of their ill fortuned times,
bitter remembrance of
themselves in their prime.
the sand cast as Gabriel
harbinger of justice,
calls them from the sea and
he gives them their justice.
lovers and sinners alike;
each has a tale their own.
Copyright ©
Gabriel
... [
2004-08-30 01:59:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cold Waters
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 04:37:19 AM AEST
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this is very good work.
it has good little phases.
i wanted to read on alittle more when it finished, but the last 2 sentances really finished it well. |
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Re: Cold Waters
(User Rating: 1 )
by cj_ranson on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 06:05:33 AM AEST
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that was reel good
keep it up
Cj |
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Re: Cold Waters
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 07:36:34 AM AEST
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| now this I truly adore. you have captavaited me indefinetly with this one poem. |
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Re: Cold Waters
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 07:36:35 AM AEST
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| now this I truly adore. you have captavaited me indefinetly with this one poem. |
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Re: Cold Waters
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 03:48:15 PM AEST
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I like this ... I think perhaps the only suggestion I could make, is the fourth line of the third stanza. "he gives them their justice", you have avoided repetition thus far, why not continue. A suggestion ... perhaps try something like ... delivers their sentence ... just a thought, but I am certainly NO authority of any kind, so treat my words with little regard.
Nazmythian ~
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