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The Secret of The Moon
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 02:42:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
I slip from the clutches of Mother Earth
And hang delicately from the moon
I ponder time and what has been lost
I will be forgotten
Soon
Far above the rolling clouds I sway
Impermanent stardust in heaven’s grasp
I count the wishes as they amble by
As I slide into the
Past
I am holding onto to moonbeams
Wraithlike, singing a silent song
My eyes focused above the troposphere
I’m certain it won’t be
Long
The moon tells me of her origin
And I know that they’re all wrong
White light breaks into constituent colors
And into the blue I’m
Drawn
Until finally, a dying star
Sheds its outer layers into the calm
Then explodes, birthing hope in fiery light
And with the moon’s secret, I’m
Gone
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-08-29 14:42:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sweetheart on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 05:03:05 PM AEST
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| Very imaginitive. I loved it. |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 07:55:54 PM AEST
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me is abit drunk, but I still loved this write :)
i love your poems,
takecare friend,
pixie xx |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by rookiepoet on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 11:27:37 PM AEST
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| Very surreal, made me want to go dream. I love it! |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 09:54:47 AM AEST
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This is...like reading two poems at the same time.
I can only begin to imagine some of the "secrets" buried in this write. I see loss and pain and an almost giving up, only to "explode, birthing hope".
Clever, imaginative, wistful and yet great depth.
You have truely outdone yourself!! |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by pvd on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 10:10:41 PM AEST
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Nice write good use of near rhyme.
PVD |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Tuesday, 31st August 2004 @ 03:18:05 PM AEST
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| A beautifully mystical poem.--Mothy |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 4th September 2004 @ 01:22:41 AM AEST
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beautifully written i loved the shape of this as well (last line of each stanza one word) a very clever well thought out piece (don't you dare pm me and say you wrote it in 5 minutes in a flash of inspiration!)
wildejohnny. |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Sunday, 5th September 2004 @ 07:26:39 PM AEST
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I find myself in awe with the majestic, yet slightly mysterious feel to this poem. It is beauty that can only be written from talent.
The moon is such an elusive, mysterious orb. For it gives us glimpses, entices us and when we least expect it--- shows us its whole form. The moon fascinates me.
If you only catch but one moonbeam in your lifetime you are truly blessed and if the moon lights a dark path then it has befriended you.
When I like a poem as much as I liked this one, I tend to ramble onward...
Kie |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Wednesday, 8th September 2004 @ 12:25:00 PM AEST
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| very unique and really beautiful* |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 10th September 2004 @ 06:55:47 AM AEST
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Right,
This is acceptable, in lieu of your recent writes. However, I'd alter some things to remain consistent in the progression/presentation.
Namely, changing "As I slide into the
Past" into "As I drift into the
Past" and "Until finally, a dying star" to "And in this hue, a dying star".
It is of course, ambiguous to general readership, and I just can't penetrate it in the few times i've read it over. Not that I specifically desire an explanation now, but its in my inquisitive nature to be strict on definition.
And that, is probably why its a secret!
Its ethereal, vivid and delicate, much like the tenuous hold onto the moon you've expressed here. Now, should you publish it?
. . . yes. But only if you feel its right for you. I go on instinct, and if any poem is as important to me as this is to you, I'd like to show it the respect it deserves by publishing it in our first book.
Keep writing. |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 08:21:58 PM AEST
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I loved this! What a completely beautiful
creation.
~Breezy |
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 25th May 2006 @ 11:04:48 PM AEST
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OMG! You are Ms. Metaphor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This just draws a person in to where there is no escape.....not that one would wish to escape this....it's just that it is sooooooooo captivating.
Goodness gracious.....great poem afire!!!
Timbo
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Re: The Secret of The Moon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 25th May 2006 @ 11:10:22 PM AEST
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This, to me, is also somewhat sad.
Please remember this:
Great philosophers are never forgotten, therefore they are never gone. :-)
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