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Under the Willow
Contributed by
Stew
on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 12:47:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
On a blanket in the tall grass
We lie under a willow tree
Watching an approaching storm
Draw nearer and nearer feeling free.
The smell of rain in the air is so heavy
We sit closer and closer
As the storm draws near
A feeling of mystery surrounds us like a bulldozer.
Then suddenly a loud crash of thunder
That shakes the skies
And a flash of lightning
That light up our eyes.
Now we run to the cabin
As the rain comes pouring down
We make a fire and lay by the hearth
Now our love we found.
Copyright ©
Stew
... [
2004-08-29 12:47:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Under the Willow
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 12:49:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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awww stew this was a beautiful write between you and your cousin,
pixie xx |
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Re: Under the Willow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 12:55:54 PM AEST
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Oh! You're so lucky to have someone to write with! I'm completely jealous!
Your collaboration came out nicely. The line "A feeling of mystery surrounds us like a bulldozer" kind of stuck out at me.... maybe I'm tooooo logical sometimes, but it didn't seem to make sense (how could one bulldozer surround someone?). I do know what you were getting at... just thought perhaps there's a better metaphor out there...
I do hope you don't mind the comment... it is a nice piece and I don't mean to take away from that. And oh! I do love the feeling that comes when a thunderstorm is approaching!
Good write!
SNM |
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