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GUILT Relief
Contributed by
waos
on
Thursday, 26th August 2004 @ 06:28:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Surrounding, invading, pervading
every niche inside.
It's eating me alive.
Recurring, returning, resurrecting this sin
that I am.
I don't know if I can.
Find an ending, find a healing,
keep searching for it,
keep finding that.
Aching, breaking, shaking,
can't contain
all this shame.
Pleading, falling, calling,
please forgive,
I can barely live.
Grace, mercy, peace, sweet release,
let me live beneath your wings,
enjoy the peace your mercy brings.
~Jekyll
Copyright ©
waos
... [
2004-08-26 18:28:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: GUILT Relief
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Thursday, 26th August 2004 @ 07:16:37 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Oh! I like this! It has a great rhythm to it... I read it aloud (felt like I should) and it sounds great when spoken aloud. I stuttered a little bit on one part... the three lines beginning with "Find an ending...". The last of those three lines ("Keep finding that") kind of stops the cadence of the piece. I turned it over in my head a bit and this fell out, so I thought I'd throw it out at you as a gentle suggestion (though I have no idea if it's 'right'):
Find an ending, find a healing,
Search to know
So I might grow
Hope you don't mind the suggestion to terribly much... Just a thought that crossed my mind. I do like the piece very much... the suggestion is included only because it crossed my mind and I thought I'd share it.
Well done!
SNM |
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Re: GUILT Relief
(User Rating: 1 )
by rookiepoet on
Friday, 27th August 2004 @ 10:56:35 PM AEST
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| I too love the rythm of this piece. The repetition of linking three verbs in a row creates a nice pattern and lends a sense of urgency to the poem. No frills, very straight forward and simple, very nice! |
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