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Ravaged
Contributed by
waos
on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 09:16:23 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Black hole; falling so far, too far;
when can this empty pit end?
Pain fills the abyss in me,
who am I to contend?
Wraith like screeching emitted unwittingly
from these trembling weak lips.
Clawing at my skin, digging for my heart
I watch as my body drips.
Pain explodes, ribs spread wide,
left gaping, out saunters the demon.
Body raped from within,
heated by this internal oven.
Spread wide and released here,
render me helpless, forsaken.
See it etched upon my ravaged skin,
consider me shaken.
Eyes lifeless still aware,
they see you watching me.
Apathetic vision as you invade
not caring what I see.
What demon is this that doesn't leave,
possessing even the vanquished dead.
This demon never satisfied,
eating even after it's fed.
Lifeless eyes watch forever,
nerve endings forever tender.
View this ravaged beauty
in all it's ravaged splendor.
~Jekyll
Copyright ©
waos
... [
2004-08-20 21:16:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Ravaged
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 09:36:58 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| good write. =] |
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Re: Ravaged
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Saturday, 21st August 2004 @ 06:08:22 PM AEST
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| There were some lines in there that effectively grabbed me, especially the visceral gore about body drips, pain explodes, ribs spread wide. Good stuff.--Mothy |
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Re: Ravaged
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 22nd August 2004 @ 05:07:18 AM AEST
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| This is an awesome write. This reminds me very much of "The Screwtape letters" written by C.S. Lewis |
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Re: Ravaged
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Sunday, 22nd August 2004 @ 07:13:04 PM AEST
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I loved how this started off with a "black hole"
and you falling so far. It just started off the
poem brilliantly and dragged the reader in
wheather he/she wanted to be or not. After my
first read I thought the last part needed some
work, but now I retract that statement. This was such a wonderfully written, intensely
vivid poem. Keep at it my friend!
Bobo (Joel) |
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