|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
his eyes are a thousand lbs.
Contributed by
Gabriel
on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 02:18:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
i look at myself,
sitting in my bed.
back against the headboard;
looking for the sky.
i see my cheeks are moist,
but can only wonder why.
i hug that boy,
that's alone in his bed,
and crawl beneath the sheets.
so many thoughts,
flash through his head,
you can see them through his eyes.
he scans the room,
as if he might find
his heart right there on the floor.
And his thousand-pound eyes,
return to the sky.
He never wipes his face.
And i look to him and say, "Let's
forget that she is gone.
" then i switch off the lamp.
Copyright ©
Gabriel
... [
2004-08-19 14:18:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: his eyes are a thousand lbs.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alina on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 02:28:52 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This poem is perfect!! You wrote it well. To me the meaning of the words " His Eyse Are a Thousand lbs." means that in his eyes you can see all the pain and sadness and it is so much ( a thousdand pounds).
Keep Up the Good Work!!
ALINA |
|
|
Re: his eyes are a thousand lbs.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 02:40:21 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I agre, it is graet the way it is!
You have captured the feeling of pain and loss quite well.
Great job! |
|
|
Re: his eyes are a thousand lbs.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 04:26:49 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Eyes being 'heavy with thought'? Hmn. Heavy with tears? Heavy lidded?
The metaphoric weight you lift 'by looking to the sky' is written well, although not that obviously. It took me a couple of reads (of others' comments, too) to evaluate this sentiment.
Perhaps you could have transferred the weight onto the thoughts instead? Just an idea - you could try that out in another poem.
Well done, and keep writing. |
|
|
Re: his eyes are a thousand lbs.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 04:37:44 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Poem protrays a powerful image. She (or yourself) and the boy are experiencing a lot of pain, which seems held in. The eyes are searching, but "she is gone." Is your intent to keep who is gone unidentified? Good poem!
I am a beginner at this. I wonder if I could get some feedback on a poem called LAMENT which I submitted 8/17. Thank you.
Willofree |
|
|
Re: his eyes are a thousand lbs.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 04:39:28 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Poem protrays a powerful image. She (or yourself) and the boy are experiencing a lot of pain, which seems held in. The eyes are searching, but "she is gone." Is your intent to keep who is gone unidentified? Good poem!
I am a beginner at this. I wonder if I could get some feedback on a poem called LAMENT which I submitted 8/17. Thank you.
Willofree |
|
|
Re: his eyes are a thousand lbs.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 03:58:46 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This to me, is an introspective piece ... a talk with your inner child, so to speak. I get the image of a young adult lamenting over the loss of his mother, (some years ago) attempting to cope with that loss.
I dunno, that is how I read it. I like it and think it is well written. 5/5
Nazmythian ~ |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
