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BROKE TRANSMISSION
Contributed by
justinblue
on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 10:50:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Hope gone astray
Sanity slithering, drifting away
Caught in an evil trap
Wishing for an answer to appear in my lap
Thought oh so powerful, contemplating giving up
But desperately seeking a drink from the life cup
Constantly quarelling with my inner fears
Ready so ready to switch gears
Zest for life out of commision
Suffering with a broke transmission
Letting road blocks hinder the path
I got to break through this destructive wrath
Wondering if it can be done
With all this negativity weighing a ton
Being held down
An urgent need to turn it around
Trying to out run the vicious, crippling hound
All why being pinned to the ground
Reconstruction totally up to me
But to poor to pay the fee
Subsiding ambition
Preventing a critical, crucial transition
A puzzle of missing parts
Throwing pointless darts
Unable to penatrate this iron gate
Copyright ©
justinblue
... [
2004-08-18 10:50:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: BROKE TRANSMISSION
(User Rating: 1 )
by MDodgen on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 11:26:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very good write, i loved your images.
Zest for life out of commision
Suffering with a broke transmission
these are my favorite. nice job. thanks for your comment on my poem too. i apreacate it. |
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Re: BROKE TRANSMISSION
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 11:34:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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this makes a lot of sense to me!
it's a fantastic poem!
i'd give it a 4/5. because i think it would be so much betterly compleated if you wrote another last sentance to rhyme with "gate"... i'm not trying to critisize you, i swear! i just think that thats all thats holding you back from this being excellent!
the words and phrases you've used are brilliant!
they all run in smooth with the rest of it.
nice job!
from deathdrop. |
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Re: BROKE TRANSMISSION
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alina on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 12:16:33 PM AEST
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This poem really didn't mean much to me until I read the lines...." Reconstruction up to me, but to poor to pay the fee." I feel like this sometimes. After those lines I loved your poem. Keep up the good work.
ALINA |
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