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Alone
Contributed by
sid_the_tampon_fairy
on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 05:27:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
Sitting in the dark
Nursing a broken heart
Waiting for the pain
To fade away again
Holding out for you
While you do the things you do
Love ran down my face
When you said you needed space
Needing your tender kiss
Your hold I'll surely miss
Each day seems longer
But I'll grow stronger
You leaving me
Made me see what I could be
So instead of crying
And so slowly dying
I'll move right on
After all, you're gone
Copyright ©
sid_the_tampon_fairy
... [
2004-08-17 17:27:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 05:38:09 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I think you did great!!!!
Good overall flow of line and thought.
I especially like the the ending.
Definately do not stop writing!! |
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 05:29:10 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Unfortunately, the rhyming is forced and somewhat
simplistic, which detracts from the message in the
poem.
I would prefer to see a simple, honest, free verse
poem where the writer lays her soul bare. This
would give the poem greater impact.
After all, the subject matter has been done to death;
therefore, the trick is to bring something unique to the
table to make it stand out from the myriad of my broken
heart poems.
Stoney |
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Katie2008 on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 05:07:01 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I don't agree with Stoney, I liked this a lot. Keep writing please!
Katie |
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Thursday, 23rd September 2004 @ 06:18:17 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I liked this poem. It's so full of raw emotion. Great job. *S* Cynthia |
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